


You whisper to me and I shiver inside

by ElenyasBlood



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Light drug use, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 04:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1968822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenyasBlood/pseuds/ElenyasBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen had it all: a wonderful life, friends, a loving family, a future.<br/>Until the one fateful summer break in which something happens, that shakes his life to the very foundations. And when he returns to high school nothing feels the same. And while he's still clinging to the image of normalcy, Jared steps in his life, ready to turn everything upside down-- including Jensen and his thoroughly locked heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jensen took a deep drag from his cigarette and let his eyes roam over the huge building in front of him. There was nothing new to the look of his school; it was old and gray and familiar. It smelled like linoleum and cheap paint and a never ending stream of people swelled in and out of the massive portal. Everything was the same, except it wasn't.

He finished the cig with another drag and flipped the butt on the sidewalk before he checked his watch. Still five minutes until classes started, and he decided to wait outside, in the shadows of the gym, unnoticed by everyone else. It was for the better.

“Hey jerk,” A huge hand connected with Jensen's back and jostled him. He almost toppled over, dropping his mug in the process and cursed as he felt steaming hot coffee splash against the fabric of his pants.

“Goddamn, Tom,” he roared and spun on his heels, facing his friend. “You just can't hold it together, can you? That was my first coffee today.”

A mischievous smile played around Tom' lips. “Would you believe me if I said I'm sorry?”

“Piss off, fuck-nut,” was Jensen's ungracious reply and he eyed his dirty jeans, the blue denim spattered with dark brown spots.

Tom rolled his eyes as clutched the strap of his backpack, casually leaning against the wall of the gym. “How were your holidays?”

“They were a blast,” Jensen scoffed and had to crane his neck to look into his friend's face just in time to see the color of his cheeks change from a healthy pink to an ashen gray.

“Uh, sorry I didn't... uh... I didn't mean to... I meant aside from...” Tom muttered, tripping over the words that tumbled out of his mouth and ending up biting his tongue. He looked like a lost puppy.

Jensen shrugged and tried to ignore his churning stomach, the fucking lead weight that suddenly threatened to drown him. “Yeah, I know. It's okay.”

“No, Jensen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass about it,” Tom cut in and the look on his face was serious, his eyes brimming over with compassion and - _was it pity?_

“It's okay Tom, I know you just wanted to be... casual,” Jensen reassured him, the words burning in his throat and he had to clutch the denim of his jeans to keep himself from strangling his best friend. “Let's go in, class is starting in a minute.”

Tom swallowed and pushed himself off the wall. “Thanks, mate.”

“Yeah, don't mention it.”

There was a short nod between the two of them, a quiet sign of understanding, before they left the shadows of the gym and crossed the parking lot, trailing behind a group of freshman and entering the school.

 ♦ 

The minutes before first period were, as always, a fiasco. Everyone was excited to see each other again after summer break and their mouths brimmed over with the need to gossip. And that's what they did- until the moment Jensen and Tom slipped through the door, that is.

There was a second of deafening silence and the thought of turning around and leaving right away crossed Jensen's mind, but to be honest he wasn't sure his legs, numb and leaden as they were, would support him long enough to flee the building. And Tom's hand on his back was warm and broad and reassuring and it gave him confidence as he shuffled towards his desk before dropping onto the uncomfortable stool.

“Anything happen?” Tom leered into the silence and set his backpack on his own desk next to Jensen, eyes scanning the room.

A few people shook their heads.

“Why is everyone so quiet then, huh? Go on, talk. And stop staring, that's rude as hell,” Tom hissed, and in fact every pair of eyes in the room lay on the rear desks, the ones Tom and Jensen had occupied since their first year. The looks they shot were curious for the most part, but there was repulsion smoldering in some of them, something very close to disdain.

“It's okay Tom, sit your ass down and shut up, you're not making it any better,” Jensen mumbled and squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers absent-mindlessly rubbing his temple.

Tom flopped down, the look on his face stern. “I was just trying to help,” he hissed defiantly as he watched his friend roll his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks but no thanks, bro, I can handle it myself. I'm not a damsel in distress, I don't need your help,” Jensen scoffed and swallowed the acid burning in his throat. He felt so old, weary even, like he had aged during the summer for an entire decade. His body ached with every movement and there was a bitterness settled into his bones that turned every word to ashes, every touch into an insufferable challenge.

“I'm just trying to be a good friend, Ackles,” Tom replied as he started unpacking his stuff, stacking books and notepads on his desk.

Jensen sucked in a breath, fingers never leaving his temple. “I know, but you're not... making it any better.”

The look on Tom' face went from defiant to hurt and Jensen could see that he was about to say something in return, but Mr. Carrell chose exactly that moment to rush in and the class went silent, including Jensen and Tom, leaving the air between them thick and filled with unanswered questions and unresolved tension.

They were forty minutes into Science when the mobile in Tom's pocket buzzed and he crammed his long fingers inside his tight jeans to get it out.

Message from Jen [09:42]

_You are a good friend_

Tom turned to face Jensen and shot him a wide grin, his eyes full with suppressed laughter. He gave his friend a thumbs-up and his smile deepened when Jensen returned the gesture, not the slightest hint of a smile on his lips himself.

 ♦ 

During lunch break Jensen found himself surrounded by his friends. And the part in him that wasn't totally wrecked, shattered and numb with pain wanted to join their cheerful laughter, the excitement that bubbled in their chests and poured out of their ever-moving mouths-- but he felt exhausted, worn thin from too many nights deprived of sleep.

“Goddamn, that shit is intense,” Danneel stated as she scanned the schedule in her hand. It was crammed with classes and appointments and she handed it back to Jeffrey with a pitying smile.

“You haven't seen mine yet,” Katie whined and batted away Colin's nimble fingers, as they tried to steal a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

“Oh stop complaining you giant baby,” Tom mumbled around a forkful of overly cooked veggies. “You don't even have to write your fucking essays on your own.”

Katie nodded, contemplating, and gave a resigned sigh as she shoved her plate towards the youngest.

“Yeah, you have Mr. Freaky Super-brain over there,” Genevieve groaned and pointed her spoon towards Colin.

“Yeah, but still it's tough,” Katie argued and started to fumble for her own schedule, rummaging through her backpack, determined to show everyone the sheet.

“Who's calling the gnome a freak?” Chad cut in as he sat down, his tray stuffed with all sorts of cheap cafeteria food, including a poor excuse for what could have been pie. Danneel's eyes were immediately drawn to the sugary treat.

Genevieve clicked her tongue as she combed her fingers through her long, black mane. “I said _super-brain_ , dumbass,” she corrected and slumped back in her seat, shuffling her feet under the table until she found a position comfortable enough to relax.

Chad flipped her the bird and started eating, deliberately ignoring the longing on Danneel's face.

“Is anyone else free on Wednesdays in the afternoon?” Jeffrey asked into the silence and his gruff voice echoed through Jensen's chest, made him snap back from where he was buried in thought.

“Yep, me,” he muttered and straightened the crumpled sheet his fingers he had been clutching for the past twenty minutes. His hands felt stiff now and the knuckles cracked when he smoothed his schedule. He was so focused on not wincing that he almost missed the fond smile that stretched Jeffrey's lips.

“I was thinking about exercising. What do ya think?” the older boy said and the warm, vibrant brown of his eyes bored into Jensen's emeralds, his hand ruffling his own unruly hair.

Jensen nodded, a little bit too enthusiastically maybe, and for the first time since he had left the house in the morning he felt at ease, a little bit less strained. “You bet.”

“Care if I join?” Danneel asked from the other end of the table, her eyes still drawn to the pie on Chad's tray, pink tongue darting out to wet her full lips.

“Nuh uh,” Jeffrey grunted. His broad body, all long legs and firm muscles, lounged casually in the cafeteria chair and the look on his face could easily be mistaken as pride.

“Just to get this straight, are we talking about exercise or _exercise_?” Katie cut in, her voice dry and her green eyes narrowed.

“Jesus fuck, Katie, you dirty fucker,” Genevieve scoffed immediately and Tom snickered into the hem of his sweater, the corners of his eyes crinkling with laughter.

Katie snorted. “It was a legit question.” She supported herself on her elbows and threaded her fingers together, chin resting on top. She looked quite earnest like that, her blond hair smoothed back, long lashes fanning over her flushed cheeks and her pretty lips forming a thin line.

“Just because everything _you_ do during your ' _exercises'_ is fucking around doesn't mean everyone is up for that shit,” Danneel huffed and managed to pry her eyes away from Chad's tray.

“As if I'm the only one who enjoys a good shag on a regular basis,” Katie replied and her eyes flitted towards Jeffrey, the look on her face longing.

“Katie, for fuck's sake, get your shit together. I'm trying to eat,” Chad groaned, his brows furrowed and a forkful of veggies frozen half-way to his mouth.

“Yeah, we all know you're a a little, Katie,” Jensen contemplated and took a sip out of his coffee mug. “But there's no need to share your filthy bedtime stories with the rest of us.”

Katie's lips curled into a smug smile. “You're just jealous because you're not the one who's getting Jeffrey's cock 24/7 an-”

“Enough,” Jeffrey cut in and he shot his friend - girlfriend, fuck-buddy, _whatever -_ a glare.

“Oh honey, I love it when you get all bossy,” Katie cooed and snaked her hands around Jeffrey's hips, dropping her head on the boy's shoulder.

Jensen rolled his eyes, ignoring the little pang in his chest when he witnessed the comfortable closeness between his friends. “You're impossible, Katie Cassidy, impossible and _maddening_.”

“And you're short,” Katie snapped and stuck her tongue out like a girl in kindergarten.

“You wouldn't spit such big words if you knew the size of my cock,” Jensen countered and felt his lips twitching, mouth threatening to curl into a smile. “Because there's nothing short about _that_ part of me.”

Katie roared out a laugh, her whole body shaking with amusement and she let go of Jeffrey, hauling her heavy combat boots up and onto the table. “Fair enough, mate,” she grinned and lolled her head back. “God, I could kill a man for a smoke right now.”

The laughter on their faces died immediately and the whole table fell silent. Colin looked up from where he was buried into a book, Danneel let go of the pie and Jensen felt Jeffrey's body grow stiff next to him. Everyone ducked their heads, avoiding looking at Jensen at all costs.

“I... uh... that was...” Katie stuttered, all self-confidence and smugness dropped, her face open and unguarded. Guilt was written all over it and she bit her lip nervously.

Jensen felt nausea washing over him, ugly and sharp and disgusting, and he sucked in a breath, nostrils flaring and eyes roaming everywhere but the group of his friends. His friends who were acting like strangers all of a sudden. _Like everyone else did._

Jeffrey was first to regain his composure. “Katie, you're a fucking moron. I... Jensen, I'm sorry, she didn't mean to.” He spoke on behalf of his friend, his voice low and soothing, the look on his face compassionate.

“'M fine,” Jensen lied as he felt his jaw set. “It was nothing. Can we please get back to normal?”

The ringing of the school bell spared the group another moment of strange and unfamiliar awkwardness and the many-voiced sigh of relief from his friends' mouths cut deep into Jensen's thrumming heart.

“Shit, we're already late,” Tom blurted out and scrambled to his feet. “Jensen, you coming?” Everyone else shot up too, hastily gathering their backpacks and fumbling for the schedules scattered all across the table.

Jensen frowned. “Mrs. Hatcher is gonna be livid,” he muttered, grabbing his mug and waving his friends goodbye before he left the cafeteria in Tom's tow.

 ♦ 

Jensen was right, their English teacher _was_ livid. Boiling with rage, she had decided to give her students a butt-load of homework on their first day, including a five hundred words long essay about her current object of obsession, _Wuthering Heights, w_ hich left Jensen even more relieved when he stepped out into the chill afternoon sun, immediately lighting himself a cigarette.

“You could at least wait until you're off the school ground,” Tom suggested, nervously shifting his weight from one foot on the other.

Jensen shrugged, already lost in thought, and they made their way to the parking lot in silence. It took the others a while to show up, their voices loud and harsh as they complained about homework and school in general, rambling on for several minutes. Katie and Jeffrey were the last to arrive, their cheeks flushed and the smiles on both their faces inappropriately cheerful.

“What a wonderful, sunny day,” Katie gave everyone a shit-eating grin and straightened his _Sisters of Mercy_ -shirt, her lips plush and slick from the kisses she had stolen Jeffrey in the dim half-light of the hallway. “Who's up for a barbecue?”

“Dude, I'm sure it's a teeny wee bit too late to do a barbecue. It's fucking September,” Gen replied and her brows were raised. She handed her lighter to Katie, who promptly searched her pockets for a cigarette.

“Don't mind her,” Jeffrey mumbled, patting his friend's back. “She's a little high on adrenaline and hormones; she'll be okay in a sec.”

The others shared a laugh, their faces tilted towards the sun, gleefully enjoying the last days of summer before the weather would change into a tragedy of rain, fog and thunderstorms. Today the wind was warm and soft, whispering through their hair and mussing it gently while the last rays of afternoon sun kissed their cheeks and temples.

“Speaking of being high,” Danneel butted in as she leaned back against someone's car, crossing her legs. “I still got some weed from my last harvest; anyone up for a sleep-over on Saturday?”

The mood lifted immediately. “God yes,” Genevieve groaned and nudged her knee against Danneel's, the smirk on her lips becoming excited.

“I thought you'd never ask, Harris,” Katie huffed, shooting Danneel a wink, and curling her hand into the fabric of Jeffrey's jacket.

“Can't come,” Colin peeped from where he stood and fiddled with the book in his hand, the look on his face frustrated. “My dad is gonna be in town for the weekend and I have to help Mom with the twins.”

Jensen, who had remained silent during the whole conversation, the hollow in his chest filled with a dull ache, shivered despite the golden rays of sunshine on his face. “Gonna skip, too,” he threw in, his stomach churning unpleasantly.

“What? _No!_ ” Danneel and Genevieve howled in unison. “Not gonna happen, mate, we _need_ you, you're the world's best blunt-wrapper!”

“I can't come, I'm... uh... busy,” Jensen lied and his cheeks burned while doing so. He felt sorry for lying to his friends, but still the thought of spending an evening away from his mom and brother scared him more than he would ever care to admit.

“Oh come on man, don't be such a bore,” Katie groaned and stomped up to Jensen. “It'll be fun.”

Jensen scowled. “I said I'm busy, girl,” he replied and was more than just grateful when Tom and Jeffrey jumped in.

“It's okay Jensen,” Jeff mumbled and nudged his shoulder against Jensen's.

“Yeah, maybe next time.” Tom agreed, patting his friend's back awkwardly.

After everyone had finished their cigarettes they spent a good minute of waving each other goodbye before piling up in the cars and heading home, their moods cheery.

 ♦ 

“There's a new guy in my class,” Colin said after they had left the parking lot, everyone pressed into the comfortable seats of Jeffrey's SUV. The car still smelled new and the control panels shone in a glossy black.

Genevieve grunted softly from where she had dropped her head against the window. “Do tell,” she slurred and sprawled all over the cushions, almost melting into it.

Colin shrugged. “Don't know much, he's only been in town for a few days. He's from Texas.”

Jensen perked up.

“Like Tom? Cool,” Genevieve replied and shot Colin a smile, her bony knees pressing against the solid back of Jeffrey's seat. “What's he like?”

“Um, nice, I guess? He's... into music and sports; that's all I know. He looks like a musician, though,” Colin mused and shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“What's his name?” Katie asked from where she was pressed against Jensen's side, warm and firm and solid like a brick wall.

Colin furrowed is brows. “Jarvis I think, or was it Jason? God, I don't remember, but he's really fucking tall.”

“Tom is tall as shit, too,” Jensen threw in.

“Must be an Texan thing, then,” Jeffrey stated and set the signal before he turned into Jensen's street, stopping in front of the white country house and dropping the boy after a firm hug and a nudge against his forehead.

 ♦ 

The next morning came quick and merciless and Jensen found himself back in front of the school again all too early, watching a few of his classmates from a respectful distance. Unlike yesterday, he had settled on of the benches, cross-legged with a styrofoam cup full of steaming hot coffee next to his knee. The sun was already up, filling the air with golden rays of warmth and dancing along Jensen's cheekbones when he craned his neck. He took a few deep drags from his cigarette, his eyes fluttered shut, and was about to doze off, when a foreign voice interrupted the idle hour.

“Hi, um, can I... um, borrow your lighter?”

Jensen's eyes flung open and were rewarded with the sight of a handsome stranger, cute, tall and lean. His fair brown hair was mussed by the soft breeze, his lips curled into a nervous smile.

“Sure,” Jensen muttered and fumbled for his lighter, handing it to the stranger.

“Thanks mate. I'm not a smoker; well at least not usually.” Mr. _Tall, Cute and Handsome_ said and he needed three attempts to make the lighter work, his hands shaking slightly. Eventually he cupped his hands around the tiny flame, shielding it against the wind, and took a long drag from the cigarette dangling between his soft pink lips. “I only smoke when I'm nervous.”

He handed the lighter back to its owner and his eyes, hazel and crested by long, gently curved lashes, bored into Jensen's. _God, he was handsome_. “Thanks again. I would've died without some nicotine today.”

Jensen nodded, dumbfounded, and pocketed the lighter again, his gaze never leaving the stranger's face. He knew he was staring, but he couldn't bring himself to give a fuck. The way the fluttering golden light of the morning sun was caught in the chestnut locks was mesmerizing, the high boned cheeks, covered in the slightest hint of stubble, breathtaking.

The stranger took a few deep breaths from his cigarette and became more and more calm with every inhale. After the fourth drag, blue smoke curling around his flaring nostrils, he lowered his eyes to the spot next to Jensen.

“Mind if I join you?” he slurred and his rich voice vibrated deep in Jensen's chest, his thick accent cradling his senses and lulling them gently.

Jensen shrugged and watched the stranger flopping down next to him, his long legs sprawled out in front of the bench. The sudden movement stirred the air and seconds later the faint scent of aftershave and smoke was all over Jensen, sending him reeling and leaving him wondering. The stranger's sudden appearance felt like an impact, hard and sharp and _good_ , and Jensen found himself unable to shy away when _Mr. Handsome_ 's thigh pressed unintended against his.

Jensen cleared his throat. “So...um, why are you nervous?” he croaked and sucked in a lungful of smoke himself.

“It's my first day here at school. Well I was here yesterday, but only for some administrative stuff. I'm the _new_ guy,” the stranger replied and kicked the tip of his Converse against some pebbles. His gaze roamed over the parking lot and the green lawn. “I'm Jared by the way.”

“Jensen.”

“Cool,” Jared mumbled and leaned forward to stub his cigarette out on the sole of his shoe. “That's pretty good stats, huh?”

Jensen felt his brows hitch as he studied Jared's face, as if the answer would've have been written in the silhouette of his cheeks. Or the elegant curve of his neck. Or the soft hollow under his throat.

“School hasn't even started and I already made a new friend; that's good statistics, right?” Jared explained after several moments of silence.

Jensen felt his stomach drop and he winced slightly, flipping the still smoldering butt of his cigarette on the freshly mowed lawn. “Yeah, no offense Jared, but we're not friends,” he mumbled and scrambled to his feet, his backpack knocking over the mug, hot coffee spilling all over the bench and dry grass.

“But-” Jared protested, pouting.

“You don't want to be my friend, _trust me,_ ” Jensen cut in and without another word he spun on his heels and headed towards the school, leaving Jared in utter confusion, his eyes dark with disappointment.


	2. Chapter 2

The first periods were a pain in the ass as usual. The air inside of the classroom was muggy and tasted like chalk, the light streaming down from the lamps on the ceiling, was crude and Jensen had to squint to prevent his eyes from tearing up. He felt completely miserable, his mind still spinning from the conversation with Jared and from the devastated look Jensen had left him with.

He hadn't intended to hurt the boy, not really, just wanted to push him far away so he wouldn't try to reach for him again. But now he felt bad for his words, felt them burning in his throat and no matter how hard he swallowed, he couldn't get rid of the taste of disappointment.

It wasn't until lunch that he finally gave up torturing his brain with the memories of the morning's encounter and forced himself to concentrate on shoveling rice into his mouth. Flanked by Jeffrey and Tom and with Genevieve across from him, he felt himself calm down a little, enjoying the comfortable silence that spread between them until Colin joined them several minutes later. He balanced a tray in his one hand and a pile of books in the other, a familiar face in tow.

“Hey guys,” Colin greeted them cheerfully and set his lunch on the table, his backpack following suit. “I'd like to introduce you to Jared, he's new.” His chest swelled with pride when he started to point out his friends, his lithe body bouncing with excitement and his cheeks flushed pink.

“That's Genevieve, I told you about her. Her father owns one of the pubs downtown.” Genevieve gave a little smirk and a wink, waving the newcomer hello.

“That's Jeff -well, Jeffrey- he's a musician, like you.” Jeffrey perked up, his eyes scanning the boy in front of him, taking in his lean body and the soft, silky hair spilling down his shoulders.

“That's Tom, he's from Texas, too.” Tom actually bothered to stand up, the smile on his lips warm and welcoming.

“A fellow countryman,” he roared and clapped his hands together, his body vibrating with anticipation. “Brilliant, we're so gonna have a talk about the good old home.”

Jared shot him a bright smile before he was introduced to Jensen – _again_.

“And that's Jensen, he's... well he's Jensen, you'll see for yourself soon enough.” Colin smirked a crooked smile and finally sat down, immediately starting to poke the food on his plate with his fork.

“Yeah, I... we already met,” Jared replied politely as he lowered his gaze to Jensen, his smile still bright and warm and not the slightest bit hurt.

“Really? When?” Tom asked and ridiculously enough he sounded somewhat taken aback, almost offended. He pouted and the crease between his brows was sharp and deep.

“Today, in the early morning, before school,” Jared replied matter-of-factly and sat down next to Colin, his eyes never leaving Jensen, vibrant hazel boring into bottle green. Jared had no tray stuffed full of food in front of him and his fingers only clutched a mug full of tea.

It took Jensen a few moments before he found his voice again, his knees shaking under the table. “He borrowed my lighter,” he mumbled and used his spoon to paint circles in the leftovers of his food. He wasn't hungry anymore, his stomach churning and an unpleasant heat coiling down his spine.

“I'm a nervous smoker,” Jared explained and finally dragged his gaze away from Jensen's face, staring at his finger nails instead.

“Mh,” was Tom's only reply and he busied himself clearing his plate while the conversation rolled on.

“What brings you here?” Genevieve was the first to ask, the smile on her face signalizing her genuine interest.

“We just moved here from Texas. My mom got a job in the local hospital and since the divorce was finalized she figured she needed some fresh air, see something new, you know,” Jared replied and shrugged, apparently entirely comfortable with talking about his family.

“So you just moved in?” Colin chewed around a forkful of rice. “Where do you live?”

“Downtown, Yosemite Street, but it's only temporarily. We're looking for something bigger, something in the suburbs maybe.” Jared chuckled, a quiet and soft sound that sent shivers down Jensen's spine, made him cringe. “Mom and I, neither of us are city people.”

“Like all the Texan guys!” Tom huffed and a laugh rippled through his body. “That's my man.”

There was a moment of pleasant closeness when everyone joined Tom' guffaw, their voices intertwining in the muggy air while sharing a laugh before Jeffrey spoke up. “Colin said you're a musician?”

Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, drums and guitar, sometimes singing, but I wouldn't count on that. I'm a horrible lead singer.”

“I've a band, well a little less than that, just some jamming in my garage now and then, but we're still looking for a decent drummer, if you're interested?” Jeffrey offered and sprawled his legs under the table, his left thigh nudging Jensen's.

“Of course, yes, count me in.”

“Hey Jared, don't let Jeffrey boss you around, though. He's quite good at that,” Genevieve contemplated as she balanced her spoon on the tip of her nose. “And the worst is, you won't even notice until you're dangling from a fucking roof by your feet in the middle of the night.”

“Oi, girl, shut up! That was one time because I lost my key while climbing that fucking tree and it landed in-” Jeffrey protested, but he cut himself off. “Never mind, I'm not gonna apologize again.”

Genevieve flashed him a grin. “Dude, I broke my nose when I crashed into that shed. But it's okay, I'm done with it. _I_ got my compensation.”

Jeffrey gnashed his teeth at the reminder and grimaced, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest with a defiant look on his face.

“Jeff gave Genevieve his best guitar as an apology,” Colin explained to Jared, who listened with interest, his eyes wide and lips shaped into a perfect O.

“I um... I'm gonna be careful then, I guess?” he suggested, smiling, as his eyes searched for Jensen's again, shooting him a wink when he found the boy studying him.

Jensen blinked in surprise, wincing, and tried unsuccessfully to drag his eyes away. He felt trapped in a tidal pull and it was strong and compelling and vast and Jensen hated it. The urge to watch the new guy, to take in his handsome face, his high boned cheeks, the long, thick lashes, the soft curve of his cupid's bow, was overwhelming and disturbing. And Jensen found himself unable to think straight when Jared was around.

He sighed. “I'm gonna go for a smoke,” he slurred and pushed his stool back. “Anyone gonna take care of my tray?”

“Are you alright, mate? You look like you've seen a ghost,” Tom said and was about to stand up himself, following Jensen like he usually did.

“No no, I'm alright, I'm just a little tired I guess. Need some air,” was the evasive answer and with that Jensen left, hands clutching the straps of his backpack, jaw set and his eyes focused on the exit, determined not to look back again.

Nicotine and the chill breeze were medicine for Jensen's trembling nerves and after the fourth drag he started to feel better, _calmer_ , more his usual self. He didn't allow himself to think about Jared again, not about the way his accent made him slur some of his words like he was tipsy, or the way the sun filtered through his chestnut hair. Or the way he smiled, his soft mouth curling upwards and the corners of his astonishing eyes crinkling. Or the way he combed his long, slender fingers through his mane in an attempt to tame the mass of hair, _no_ he didn't think about Jared. _Not at all._

 ♦ 

The rest of the day proceeded disturbingly slow and when Tom dropped Jensen off in front of his house in the late afternoon he felt a familiar ache pounding behind his forehead.

He kicked the door open, yelling “Mom, I'm home!” in the process. Greeted by the smell of wet dog and muddy boots, his mother's answer came from upstairs, probably out of her bedroom.

“Hey honey, dinner is in the fridge.” Her voice sounded thin, somewhat muffled from the cushions of her bed.

“Where's Mackenzie?” Jensen yelled back, toeing his chucks off and shrugging out of his coat. It wasn't normal for his mother to sleep during the day, all housework abandoned and the rug in the hallway dirt-stained. But then again, nothing was normal since that fateful day four weeks ago.

“With your grandparents,” was the short answer, which ended the conversation for the time being, and Jensen padded into the kitchen, immediately heading for the fridge. It was empty, except from a bottle of ketchup, a package of ham and a plastic box filled with what could have been pasta with a watery sauce, smelling like tomatoes and burned onions.

Jensen sighed, shoved the box back into the fridge and went for coffee instead-- there's was nothing one could ruin with coffee, right? The sad thing was that Jensen's mother used to be a wonderful cook, clever, creative with the ingredients and always up for something new. But since she lost the faith in herself, and pretty much everything else, Jensen caught Donna failing more and more, struggling with the tiniest of problems when before she would have solved it within the blink of an eye.

A mug of coffee in his hand, a cigarette tucked behind his ear and roughly hidden beneath his short hair, Jensen tiptoed upstairs and into his room. The unpleasant smell vanished as soon as he closed the door behind his back. However, he went to the window and pushed it open, letting in the fresh afternoon air. It smelled rich and sweet and the boy took a deep inhale before he placed his mug on the ledge and fumbled for his homework in the depths of his backpack. It was quiet in the house when his sister wasn't there, eerily silent, and Jensen didn't like it.

But music was no option when Donna slept two doors away and Jensen accepted his fate stoically, slipping out of the window to feel the warm roof under his socks and taking homework, coffee and cigarette with him.

 ♦ 

Jensen had spent the rest of the afternoon and the early evening on the roof, sitting cross-legged on the warm shingles, homework in his lap and coffee in his mouth, having one lungful of smoke after another. Eventually Donna had gotten up to rummage around the house, not bothering to look for her son until her parents' red car pulled into the driveway.

“Jensen, honey, if you're sitting on the roof again, I'm gonna come and get you unless you're down here in less than twelve seconds,” Donna had shouted from downstairs, her voice high-pitched and piercing as ever. “Your grandparents are here and I'm not gonna listen to another lecture from my dad because of your reckless streak.”

So Jensen had stubbed out his cigarette and gathered his things, climbing inside again and making his way downstairs while popping a piece of minty chewing gum into his mouth. And that's where he stood now, an armful of sister around his waist and his grandma's lips on his cheek.

“Hey sweetie,” he greeted Mackenzie and ruffled the girl's soft hair, giving her small form a light squeeze. “How was your day? Did you have an awesome time with grandma and granddad?”

Mackenzie nodded excitedly. “We went to the zoo and I got to stroke a tiny lion baby and it was so soft and warm and Grandma said that he liked me, too. His name was Sam.”

“Wow, that sounds like hella fun,” Jensen admitted and nudged his little sister's shoulders with his hip, letting go of her tiny frame and pushing him towards the living room where Donna and her parents were already seated on the giant sofa.

“Jensen, why don't you and Mackenzie go for a walk with Oscar?” their mom asked as soon as her children appeared in the door frame, the look on her face strained, her jaw set. Her blond hair looked like she hadn't combed it properly in ages, the touch of gray around her temples growing every day, swallowing the rich gold of her locks.

“But Mom-” Jensen was about to protest, but his granddad cut him off.

“Go ahead, kids, the grown-ups have to discuss boring adult-stuff.” He fumbled for his wallet and fished five bucks out, pushing them into Jensen's palm. “Buy yourself and your sister some ice cream.”

“Oh yeah, ice cream,” Mackenzie blurted out, her voice cheerful, and Jensen was glad that the sudden outburst drowned his own annoyed groan.

 ♦ 

“Do you think Oscar wants some ice cream, too?” Mackenzie asked as they sat down on the bench in the small park not far from their house. Jensen watched the giant Golden Doodle sniff around the trash can and shrugged.

“I don't know, I never asked,” he admitted and licked around his cone, swallowing a mouthful of chocolate chip and cookie dough ice cream. The park lay in utter peace, just a few joggers making their way across the lawns and the sun was about to dip into the horizon every second, painting the sky in beautiful orange and blazing red.

Mackenzie stared at him, wide eyed, her short legs bouncing up and down relentlessly while she stuffed her mouth with ice cream, smearing her chin and shirt in the process. “You think he'll answer?”

“Hey Os,” Jensen spoke up and whistled low between his teeth, the huge dog immediately perking up. “C'mere big guy, we'd like-”

Jensen didn't come to finish his sentence because right in that moment Oscar decided to abruptly turn on his heels, his whole body giving a jerk, and with a loud bark he started to run. The leash that snaked loosely around Jensen's wrist, slipped out of the boy's hand and the next second the huge dog vanished into the shrubbery.

“Shit,” Jensen cursed and dropped his cone, grabbing his little sister by his hand and hauling them both up.

“Mom says you must not swear,” Mackenzie squawked and let herself be dragged along as Jensen started to jog, heading into the direction where the dog had pushed his giant body into the green.

The little girl complained all the way through the shrubbery, but Jensen paid her no heed, calling for the defiant brat of a dog instead until his throat felt dry and raw.

“Maybe he ran to get his own ice cream,” Mackenzie suggested helpfully when they came to a halt in front of an old maple tree, chests heaving and their cheeks flushed from the run.

“Yeah, more like _not_ ,” Jensen scoffed and spun on his heels, scanning the surroundings. God, that fucking dog was big as a calf, how the hell was it possible that he vanished into thin air? And why was it always him struggling with his bad luck? Oscar was by far the laziest dog in the whole state and didn't give two shits about chasing balls or digging holes; he literally slept and farted all day. Why did it have to be today of all days that he discovered the joys of a work-out?

“Oscar!” Jensen yelled again and drowned his sister's excited cry, Mackenzie's hand untangling from Jensen's grip and waving towards their dog.

“Look Jensen, he found Os,” Mackenzie peeped and bounced on her heels, ice cream forgotten in her hand and slowly melting in the warmth of her hand.

And indeed there was a human next to their terrible dog, one hand on the collar, the other crammed into the pocket of his jeans. He wore a flannel over his black shirt and tantalizing hazel eyes found Jensen.

“Hey guys,” Jared greeted and the smirk on his lips was bright and disarming. “I guess this gorgeous boy is yours?”

“What are you doing here?” Jensen sputtered and could've slapped himself for his inability to think before opening his mouth.

Jared cocked his head. “Um, catching dogs and returning them to their rightful owners, apparently. What does it look like?”

“I don't know... I just... I thought you live downtown?”

“Yeah, I do, but Mom and I had an appointment with a real estate agent down the street to view a house.” Jared shrugged before he scratched the drooling dog behind his ears. “I got bored and thought it would be a good idea to check out the neighborhood when I ran into this splendid fellow. Or more accurately, he ran into me. Knocked me down like I weighed nothing.”

Jensen felt the blush on his cheeks darken and it had nothing to do with the jog. “I'm sorry, did he hurt you?”

“No worries, he just wanted to cuddle, right boy? Have some hugs?” Jared bent down to sling his arms around the dog as he nuzzled his furry neck. Oscar whined happily. “That's right, such a good boy.”

“He wants to have some ice cream,” Mackenzie informed Jared while she watched the stranger cuddling her dog very cautiously. “We think he likes it.”

Jared shot the little girl a wide smile. “You think? Mh, I'm pretty sure, too. I mean everyone likes ice cream, right?” He straightened up again and approached the siblings, handing Jensen the leash, and for a split of second their fingers connected in a light brush of skin against skin. Jensen froze and quickly yanked his hand back as if he had burned himself.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, ducking his head awkwardly, suddenly unable to stand Jared's intense gaze. The younger boy kept on smiling as turned around, bending down to offer Mackenzie his hand.

“And who are you? I'm pretty sure we haven't met before,” he drawled and snickered when the little girl shoved her fingers into his palm, smearing his skin with a mush of sticky ice cream and dirt.

“I'm Mackenzie, Jensen's sister and I was at the zoo today and I had a tiny lion on my arm.” Mackenzie introduced herself and her little chest swelled with pride, a huge smile painted across her face.

Jared's eyebrows shot upwards. “Wow, that is something.” He nodded thoughtfully and gave the girl a thumbs-up. “I'm Jared, I'm a frien-... I know your brother from school.”

“Cool. I usually go to school, too, but Mom says it's better for me to stay at home for a while longer since the summer break was so crazy and Dad is in prison now,” the girl replied with a frown on her face and Jensen couldn't manage to clamp his hand around Mackenzie's mouth quickly enough.

Jared nodded again. “What a bummer, Mackenzie! I'm sorry you can't go to school. But hey, you had a lion on your arm today. How many of your classmates can say that about themselves, huh?”

Mackenzie seemed to contemplate for a moment, her brows furrowed in utter concentration and her tiny fist still clutching the cone with the completely molten ice cream. “You're right,” she said finally and her face lit up. “And Mom says I can go to school again when-”

“Mac, why don't you go and wash your hands in the fountain?” Jensen cut in, his lips already bruised from where he had crushed his teeth into the soft flesh. “I'm sure Jared is in a hurry and we're gonna be late for dinner, too.”

The girl pouted. “But I wanna make new friends, too,” she protested and the frustrated look returned to her face.

“We can meet again on another day, what do you think?” Jared threw in and patted the girl's blond curls, a legacy from both his mom and dad. “Maybe tomorrow, here in the park, with Jensen and your dog-”

“Oscar,” Mackenzie corrected.

“Okay right, _Oscar_.”

Mackenzie sucked on her tongue while considering Jared's words. “Can we have ice cream, too?”

“Sure thing, sweetie.”

“You have to promise.” Mackenzie demanded and offered the boy her pinky, giggling when Jared hooked his own finger in.

“Promise!” They said in unison and Mackenzie giggled again, letting go of her new friend and obediently padding towards the fountain.

“Cute,” Jared murmured as soon as the kid was out of earshot and he turned to face Jensen again, his lips still curled into a bright smile and Jensen found himself wondering if there was a time in Jared's life when he didn't look like he just saw the sun came up after a long month of rain.

“You don't know it yet, but my little sisters is a nag and he will hold you to that promise,” Jensen stated matter-of-factly and continued torturing his lower lip with his teeth.

Jared shrugged. “It's okay, I like kids,” he replied lightly and Jensen suddenly felt queasy, the words too fucking familiar and peppered with the ugliest of memories. He flinched.

“Let's hope I'm wrong and she'll forget it by tomorrow,” he said, a little too fierce, voice hard and face blank.

“I wouldn't mind seeing you again, all three of you,” Jared stated and gave Oscar's ears another scratch, the look on his face open, unguarded and so goddamn honest it almost broke Jensen's defenses. _Almost._

“Yeah thanks, but no thanks. I really don't want to bother you.” Jensen clutched Os' leash tighter and stepped away from the taller boy, dragging his giant of a dog along. “We did more than enough to strain your patience, thanks again. Have a good day...um evening; whatever. _Bye_.”

And with a last wave and a forced smile Jensen left for the second time that day, leaving a dumbstruck and disappointed Jared in his wake.

 ♦ 

It was far after 10pm when Jensen found some time to ask his Mom about the _boring adult-stuff_ she had discussed with her parents earlier. Mackenzie was already in bed, her small form safely tucked into the warm cocoon of her blanket, and Donna was busying herself in the kitchen when Jensen strolled in.

“So, what did grandpa say?” he initiated the conversation bluntly and hopped on one of the bar stools, his feet hovering over the tiled floor when he came to sit.

Donna kept staring on the counter. “What do you mean?” Her question was just an attempt to dodge the unavoidable and they both knew it, but she kept scrubbing the sink until Jensen asked again, his voice thin and his belly filled with a leaden cold.

“What did he say about Dad? What did the _court_ say?”

“He said that your dad is going to prison,” she replied hollowly, her head finally jerking towards her son.

“Yeah Mum, that I already know; that's no fucking surprise,” Jensen huffed out, immediately regretting his choice of words.

“Language, young man,” Donna yelled and spun on her heels, fully facing Jensen. “You're not allowed to speak about your father like that, not with such words. Have some respect, I didn't... that's not-” Her voice broke as did her composure and a dry sob forced itself out of her throat, lingering in the silence of the kitchen. Her fists were clenched on her sides and she clutched the damp cloth so tight her knuckles turned white, red patches of anger and shame and grief blooming on her pale cheeks.

“I'm sorry,” she mumbled before her son could say anything in his defense, ducking her head, her blond mane falling to her face, hiding the tears Jensen knew that trickled out of her eyes. “I just don't know... if your dad is going to jail for good I don't know how to go on, Jensen. I don't want to be alone.”

“Mom, you're not alone,” Jensen uttered and slipped from the stool, crossing the kitchen in two steps and gathering his sobbing mother into his arms. “You're not alone. You'll never be alone. You have Mackenzie and you have me and together we'll see through this, okay? We're not going anywhere. You're not alone, you hear me?“

“I-I know honey, I really do, but what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do as a mother of two children, with a house that's not paid off and a part-time job as a secretary at the hospital? We're most likely to lose everything, the house, the cars, the-”

Jensen cut in. “No Mom, stop it. Don't even go there,” he shushed her while he rubbed slow circles across her back, his palms a warm and reassuring weight on her lithe body while he felt his own courage dwindle away in the face of reality. “We're gonna figure it out; we're going to find a way and make it work. What did the lawyer say?”

“It's not yet decided what is going to happen with your dad. He is trying to arrange a visit for me so I can see Alan on Wednesday, but the chances are small that he's going to succeed.”

Jensen felt his guts turning to ice and he bit the inside of his cheek, forcing his own sobs and tears back into his rigid body. “See? Nothing is decided yet; we still have a chance. And Mr. Sheppard is the best. He'll help Dad, right?”

Donna hiccupped and clung to her son, her wet face nuzzling his shoulder and smearing his sweater with tears and snot. “I guess,” she mumbled against the damp fabric and then inhaled deeply.

“That's right,” Jensen whispered and patted his mother's back, slowly untangling himself from her painfully tight grip. “Breathe Mom, one step at a time. This is going to work, I promise.” And together they stood for a good minute, breathing slowly, facing each other until a small smile played around Donna's lips.

“You're such a good boy, Jensen, and you've grown so much. I wouldn't know what I would do without you.” She patted his cheek. “How was school?”

Jensen shrugged. “Boring as usual. Hey, can I go to bed? I'm really tired and tomorrow's first period is P.E.”

“Sure honey, sleep tight.” His mother leaned in for a chaste kiss on her son's cheek, her lips still wet with tears.

“Night Mom,” Jensen mumbled and he was already on his way upstairs when Donna appeared in the crack of the kitchen door again.

“Would you please check on your sister on your way upstairs?” she whispered, her voice barely audible and she gave him another smile, sad and small and thin, before she returned to the kitchen, leaving Jensen to his task.

Jensen stripped quickly, shedding his clothing like a casing that got too tight during the day and crashed into his bed, face buried in his pillow, blanket wrapped around his naked body. And it wasn't until then that he allowed himself to cry, tears thick with despair and hot with grief soaking into the cushion and his whole body shaking under the force of his sorrow until he drifted into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday morning came quickly and greeted Jensen with a sky full of rain-laden clouds and a stiff breeze, a cold and unpleasant reminder of the upcoming fall.

He left the house in a hurry and was grateful to see Tom's car already parked in the driveway.

“Good morning, sunshine,” his friend said cheerfully when Jensen opened the door on the passenger's side. “Rough night?”

Jensen only grunted in response and hauled his body into the car, propping his feet on the dashboard and grabbing the coffee Tom offered.

“Thanks, mate, I needed some caffeine.”

“Did Donna make decaf again?”

“Man, she's been on that health trip for weeks and it's even worse since Dad isn't home. She's obsessed,” Jensen mumbled and took a sip of the hot, black beverage.

Tom snickered as he pulled out of the driveway. “You'll get over it, Jenny. How's Donna doing by the way?”

“Could be worse,” Jensen replied and watched his fingers playing with the hem of the paper cup.

“Is she still... crying at night?”

Jensen shrugged. “Sometimes,” he muttered and felt a bitter taste creeping up his throat at the memory of his own desperate tears, soaking his pillow the night before.

“Is there something I can do? I mean... I just feel so fucking useless since your dad is gone. I want to help.” Tom's voice sounded gruff and he nearly ran a red light.

“It's okay, buddy, it'll be fine,” Jensen replied and he felt like a liar to himself and everyone else. But what else could he do?

The engine made a chugging noise when Tom floored the gas, the silhouette of the school building quickly becoming clearer in the distance. “I could ask my mom if we can come over tonight, god knows she's asking me multiple times a day how Donna is dealing with... things.”

“I don't know,” Jensen shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Dude, that's cryptic,” Tom sighed and slowed the old Toyota down to join the line of the other cars waiting to pull into the parking lot.

Silence stretched between them and it felt almost uncomfortable. It was a strange and unfamiliar sensation and Jensen felt helpless at the loss of words, his mood darkening with every passing second. Until he felt Tom's hand on his knee.

“I just want to help, dude, I'm here to make your life better, not even worse,” Tom said and a lopsided smile curled his lips. “We've been friends since you punched me in the gut twelve years ago because I stole your three wheeler and I wouldn't change that for the world.”

“You'll never stop giving me crap for that punch, will you?” Jensen huffed out and his face mirrored the smirk on Tom's lips.

“Never.”

“I was fucking five.”

“But you punched like a six-year-old,” Tom cackled and finally pulled into the parking lot. “But you know what I mean right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Just call me when you need me and don't play the hero. You're not alone in this, your family isn't alone. Your dad is most likely going to prison, I get that, Jenny, but he's going for the right reasons... kinda.”

Jensen squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay,” he croaked weakly and hoped the conversation would soon head in another direction. He was grateful for Tom's offer, but it hurt to call the things by their name, it hurt like a bitch to be honest, and he was not yet ready to open himself up.

“That's my boy,” Tom uttered and killed the engine before grabbing his stuff from the back seat. “And now let's get in, we're already late for P.E. and I can't wait to see Coach Willis heaving his gigantic ass into another pair of way too tight shorts. Wanna place bets on what color they are this time?”

 ♦ 

They turned out to be green. Flashy spring green pants with a hint of yellow around the hem and Jensen thought he might go blind after looking at them for more than five seconds.

But other than that, P.E. was a rather pleasant way to start the day. After a short warm-up they spent the rest of the period playing soccer and Jensen enjoyed the heat of the moment, the running and kicking, and when the Coach's whistle ended the game with a piercing kick, Jensen was covered in sweat, his shirt sticking to his skin and his chest aching with the effort to breathe.

Mr. Willis was none for big words and after a short speech he dismissed the boys into the locker rooms, leaving their overheated bodies to the cool sprays of the shower.

“I fucking hate soccer,” Tom stated as they walked out of the gym, the cold air sending shivers down their spines. Their hair, a dusty blond in Jensen's case and a dark brown in Tom's, was still wet and the water that trickled out of their locks turned to ice. Or at least it felt like it.

“That's not exactly news to me, not since you decided to share your secrets with me. Repeatedly. Many, many times in a row. Every single day of our lives, whether I want to listen or not,” Jensen replied and watched his friend flip him the bird.

“You're one to talk, Ackles,” Tom whistled, crossing the lawn in wide steps. “You're just so eager when it comes to soccer because it means we're not playing basketball and everyone knows you suck at that.”

“Shut up, asshole, I'm so eager because I think at least one of us should know how to do a bicycle kick.”

“Yeah? What for?”

Jensen shrugged. “Science?” he suggested and even to himself he sounded just a wee bit convinced.

“Yeah, right, Professor Doctor Ackles, for science.” Tom repeated and pushed the doors to the school open, his eyes glistening with mischievousness.

Jensen gasped as he stepped into the sudden warmth of the building, his body embracing the muggy air and shuddering with pleasure as it chased away the cold.

They were halfway to their classroom as they witnessed what looked like a Mexican stand-off in the middle of a school hallway, two familiar faces in the middle of the events.

“Look what we have here,” a tall blond hollered as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, the look on his face cold and calculating. “Jeffrey, the king of dumbasses, accompanied by his usual partner in crime.”

“Piss off, Pace,” Katie grunted and lifted her chin, facing the boy in front of her with a reckless gaze. Her whole body was taut, tension firmly set into her muscles, and she looked more than ever like a predator ready to ravish her prey.

“Shit,” Tom murmured next to Jensen as he pushed several bystanders away, forming a channel through the masses and stepping between the staring rivals. “Guys, calm down, it's not worth the trouble,” he said in an attempt to handle the feud. But it was too late; the air already tasted like trouble and testosterone and Jensen swallowed the thick mix as he shoved himself up next to Jeffrey.

“And look who's here to support the _king!_ It's the idiot division! Aww, guys, ain't he cute?” Justin leered and a cruel smile played around his lips. “How's life, Ackles? How's _Daddy_ doing?”

Jensen felt a wave of nausea wash over him and rage, blinding white and burning hot, bolted through his veins. He was so close to surging forward and launch himself against the snickering, blond douchebag when he felt Jeffrey's hand on his shoulder.

“Don't,” he warned, squeezing Jensen's muscles lightly. “Tom is right; Hartley isn't worth the trouble.”

“Now what?” Justin continued and grinned confidently into the group of pupils that surrounded them. “Are you going to back off because Ackles' moron of a father shot his neighbor? No really, this is fucking lame. I should've known better.”

Jensen saw red.

And not even the reassuring grip of his friend could have deterred him from punching that arrogant bastard right in his beautiful face if it hadn't been for Genevieve and Danneel, who suddenly jumped into the middle of the events and took control over things. And while Danneel and Tom, both with stern looks on their faces, were busy pushing and shoving their friends towards the lockers, Genevieve started arguing with Justin and his entourage, dealing with them in the same manner she would deal with a bunch of annoying kids.

But Jensen was still livid, his heart racing in his chest, the thrumming beat drowning every other noise. He didn't listen to his friends, didn't look into their faces, didn't gave a single fuck of what was going on around him while his eyes were still fixed on Hartley's flawless face. The face he so badly wanted to ruin, the face that deserved to be turned into a bloody mess, bones shattered and skin ripped apart until the smug grin was wiped off the shredded features for good.

“Jensen, are you even listening?” Tom complained and his arms flailed wide, gesticulating in front of Jensen's face. “Hello? Ground control to Jensen, are you still online?”

Jensen shook his head, finally able to pry his eyes off the still smirking face and concentrate on his friend. “Yeah, I'm... I'm fine,” he mumbled and felt his stomach twisting when he spotted another familiar face amidst the masses.

“Hey guys, what happened?” Jared greeted and his eyes were wide with concern, his brows furrowed.

Jeffrey and Danneel, who were still busy talking to Katie, trying to convince her that “a good old punch in the guts” wouldn't make Hartley less of an asshole, gave the newcomer a short wave and Tom shot him a small smile.

“Nothing, it was just Justin. He's a bit of a dick and likes to put others down in order to make himself feel better,” Tom explained, his eyes never leaving Jensen's face as if the blond would snap any moment and pull out a weapon. _Like his father did._

“Bummer,” Jared said and turned away to watch Genevieve talk to the tall brunette and his friends. “Who are the others?”

“The one on the right is Mike Rosenbaum; he's a douche, too, but he has his good side. The girl is Alaina, cheerleader, and so out of our league.”

Jared shrugged. “She's not my type anyway,” he stated matter-of-factly and turned to face the friends again, his eyes resting on Jensen, taking in the tanned skin and the sheen of sticky sweat on his forehead.

“Genevieve is good at arguing, she's the head of the debate club and her dad has business with Hartley's parents. That's why Justin actually listens to her,” Tom continued and finally let go of Jensen, his hands leaving the blonds shoulders where he had him pinned against the lockers in order to keep him away from their rivals.

“Sounds like a sturdy feud you've gotten yourself into,” Jared concluded and shook his head.

Tom nodded. “I um, I'm gonna go and check if I can help Genevieve, can you stay here and... just for a moment?”

“Sure,” Jared shrugged and watched Tom stroll away before stepping a little closer to Jensen, his gaze lowering into the smaller boy's smoldering green eyes. “Are you alright?”

Jensen took a deep breath and felt himself relax in the presence of the new guy, his nostrils flaring as he took in the oddly familiar scent of sweets, smoke and aftershave. Jared was towering over him, his back broad and his jaw set and for a split second his tall form shielded Jensen from the hectic events in the hallway, locking out noise and anger, and Jensen sighed quietly.

“Yes, thanks, I'm alright,” he mumbled, his face open, unguarded, his eyes wide and tension slowly bleeding out of his strained muscles. “It's okay, I'm just-”

“Tired of the guy's shit?” Jared cut in and a thin smile stretched his lips, his hair falling into his face when he ducked his head.

Jensen nodded and unclenched his fists. “Exactly.”

“I can punch him for you if you want me to,” the Texan boy offered.

“No, it's fine, really.”

“I thought because you couldn't do it-” Jared pointed his chin towards Tom and Genevieve- “I could do it, instead. There's no one here to hold me back.”

“I didn't want to... I wasn't going to-”

“Oh yes you were, I could see it on your face. I can still see it.”

Jensen's eyes widened and all of a sudden he was painfully aware of how close Jared was, the tip of their boots almost touching, Jared's arm braced against the locker next to Jensen.

“Fine, I wanted to punch him. Satisfied now?”

Jared's smile was blinding, his voice soft and warm and when his breath blew over Jensen's cheeks it felt like the ghost of a kiss. “For now,” he cooed and pushed himself off the locker and out of Jensen's personal space.

“Gotta go, P.E. is next on my schedule and I need a coffee before I start torturing my body with sports. Will you be okay?”

Jensen caught himself chasing the boy's scent and he had a hard time keeping himself from leaning in, his mind still hazy with the feeling of warmth and closeness. “Yeah, sure, I'm fine,” he stuttered and clutched the straps of his backpack.

Jared's smile, if possible, deepened. “Alright, see you later, Jensen.” And with that he left the blond boy to himself and his spinning mind, alone with his thoughts and the longing that formed inside his chest.

 ♦ 

Like on every other Friday, school ended early that day and Jensen was both eased and terrified of the upcoming weekend.

“So, you're not coming tomorrow?” Tom asked as they strolled out of the large school building, surrounded by a bunch of chanting freshman.

Jensen snapped out from where he was buried in thought and glanced at his friend. “Tomorrow?” he repeated, dumbfounded, and watched a few kids getting settled in the middle of the lawn, unpacking their stuff to do homework together.

“The sleep over at Danneel's tomorrow? Ring a bell?” Tom reminded him and waved Jeffrey and Genevieve over.

“Yeah, about that,” Jensen grunted and scrubbed his palm across his face awkwardly. “I'm busy, Mom wants me to mow the lawn and play the baby sitter for Mackenzie and-”

“It's okay, buddy, you don't have to justify yourself. Not to me,” Tom cut in and he shot his friend a reassuring smile.

“I'm not... justifying, I'm just trying to... whatever. Hey, there's my ride, gotta go. See you on Monday?”

Tom blinked in surprise at the green Audi in the parking lot, but didn't say a word about the pale woman leaning against the driver's door. “Sure, mate, see you. Take care.” He waved Donna hello before giving Jensen a short hug. “Call me if you need some distraction. I'd be over in a minute.”

Jensen only nodded in reply, barely managing not to flinch at the sudden contact, and left without looking back, knowing one thing for certain: the afternoon was going to be horrible.

 ♦ 

Jensen was proven correct after all.

He had spent the afternoon caged in a small room, stuffed with all sorts of important looking books, dying houseplants and a man with gray hair and the tiniest pair of glasses the world has ever seen on his nose. The air had tasted like centuries old dust and sour sweat and Jensen had a hard time forcing the bile that rose in his throat back into his empty stomach.

He had asked for coffee, but didn't get one.

He had asked for a break, but didn't get one.

He was asked about his life, but didn't give a shit.

And when he stumbled out of the room, head spinning and mind numb from all the questions and the bored looks the psychologist had shot him, he felt like someone had crushed his bones and sucked the soul out of his chest. Nothing compared to the hollow feeling inside his aching body and back home he tumbled into bed, his clothes still clinging to his skin, red rimmed eyes falling shut within seconds.

 ♦ 

Jensen slept in late on Saturday and Donna let him. She was busy doing the dishes when Jensen climbed down the stairs, hair tousled and body still heavy with slumber.

“Hey sleepyhead,” she greeted and Jensen noticed the gray circles under her eyes had become, if possible, even darker over night. “How are you?”

“Fine,” Jensen mumbled and poured himself a coffee, most likely decaf, before he settled on one of the stools in front of the counter. “Where's Mackenzie?”

“With your grandparents.”

“Again?”

“I needed some time off,” Donna replied and she pushed a plate with cookie towards her eldest son. “She's gonna be back on Monday.”

Jensen sighed. “Are you gonna do groceries today? Fridge is empty.”

“About that: could you do it for me, darling? I don't feel well today; I think I'm getting a cold.”

“ _What?_ Mom, come on,” Jensen's voice was exaggerated now, his brows furrowed. “I have to take care of the lawn, remember? I have to walk the dog and clean the pool and I have a shit ton of homework waiting for me in my room, I can't do _everything_.”

Donna flinched, her face falling. “For me?” she peeped and Jensen was suddenly made aware of how much she had changed. He sighed.

“Okay,” he replied flatly and slumped down, his head already starting to pound again.

“Thanks honey, you're a good boy.” Donna placed the last mug on the shelf and headed towards the door. “I'm gonna be upstairs if you need me.”

“Sleep tight, mom,” Jensen murmured and almost pushed his mother away in annoyance when she patted him on the cheek in passing, feeling bad for not wanting her affection afterward. His mom was right: he _was_ a good boy and he had to be strong for his family. He was the _dad_ now and if that meant having to deal with all sorts of work inside and around the house, fine- he wouldn't complain. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

 ♦ 

It took Jensen the whole day to carry out his list. He had decided to do groceries first and had to deal with a overeager cashier who not only tried to flirt with him, but also managed to add fifty bucks extra to his bill, which meant he was obligated to return to the supermarket half an hour later and to wait for another twenty minutes until he could leave _again_ , fifty dollars in his pocket but still feeling like someone had stolen something from him.

Next thing was cleaning the pool, a thankless task, especially since Oscar had decided to help by jumping in and out of the water repeatedly, splashing and spraying the cold wetness everywhere and soaking Jensen thoroughly. At some point Jensen not even tried to stop the giant dog anymore; he just endured the showers of cold raining down on him until he had finally finished his task after two long hours.

“You're a giant pain in the ass, Os,” Jensen had snarled, patting the dog's wet head, before he had dragged the lawn mower out of the shed and went to business, the warm touch of the early fall sun on his face.

His mother had greeted him in the living room when he returned to the house, clothes still damp from the cold pool water, his face sprinkled with shredded pieces of grass. She had seemed to be a little less strained, her face almost rosy as she handed her son a bottle of water and a sandwich while stretching out her plans in front of Jensen. Bonnie, Tom's mom, had called and insisted she be allowed to come over for dinner and Donna felt more than thrilled to meet her friend.

“But you should get into the shower before dinner, hun, you smell like wet dog and motor oil,” she had said, her nose wrinkled in distaste, before she had left her eldest to himself, busying herself in the kitchen to hopefully put together something nice and tasty.

 ♦ 

Jensen didn't stay for dinner. After a long, hot shower and another rather delicious sandwich he decided to use the last golden light of the day to take Os for a walk. If one thing was for certain, it was that his mom was in good hands for the evening- good and _loving_ hands. Bonnie had been a friend of the family for decades and her honest smile and good-natured sense of humor was always a light in the dark. Plus she was a caretaker and not an idiot; she wouldn't let Donna fool her by saying she was okay, which Jensen's mom definitely wasn't. It was a relief to see her standing in the doorway when Jensen bolted down the stairs, his oldest hoodie fitting loosely around his lean body.

“Hello sweetheart,” Bonnie greeted and dragged the boy into a bone-crushing hug, her warm face nuzzling Jensen's neck. “It's good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too, aunt Bonnie,” Jensen replied honestly, his lips stretching into a smile when he heard the familiar Texan accent underneath the American drawl.

Bonnie snorted. “How many times do I have to tell you to get rid of the ' _aunt_ '?” she teased and let go of the boy, watching him lacing his heavy combat boots.

“At least one more time, old girl,” Jensen replied, mischief glistening in his green eyes, and he shot the woman another crooked grin.

“As naughty as I remember you” Bonnie scolded, laughing, and turned to face Donna. “You should consider making that little brat wearing a muzzle. He's going to get his ass flayed sooner or later, otherwise.”

Donna laughed and Jensen felt himself tearing up at the sound of her voice, no traces of grief and bitterness in it for once.

“I'll think about it,” she replied, still laughing, and Jensen had to swallow the lump that formed in the back of his throat.

“Better get outta here,” he mumbled and grabbed the dog's leash from the wardrobe. “I'll be back by 10pm, don't you worry, Mom.” And without waiting for a proper reply he left the house through the backdoor, his chest constricting, the corners of his eyes streaked with moisture.


	4. Chapter 4

There was still a hint of warmth lingering in the evening air when Jensen sucked in a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of pollen and wild honey. The streets and the park were nearly abandoned, the quiet only disturbed by a bunch of kids playing soccer on the soft up and down of the meadows.

Knowing that Os wouldn't show any interest in the rolling ball, Jensen unhooked the leash and freed the giant Golden Doodle, watching him frolick across the lawn for a while, sticking his wet nose in every hole possible and wiggling his tail at the chirping birds flying over his head.

Jensen took his time relishing the moment. Lost in thought, his eyes never leaving the dog, he felt himself relax, tension bleeding out of his body and his fluttering nerves calming down at the sight of green lawns and big, old trees, the feeling of a soft breeze mussing his hair and solid and warm earth under his soles. It was a familiar sensation and finally, after what felt like centuries, the tight knot in his chest seemed to loosen itself a little bit, allowing him to take a bite of the richness that surrounded him.

He searched his pockets for the little bag of green he had tucked safely inside the fabric and whistled low in his throat to make sure Oscar was trailing after him, before he kicked off his shoes and socks and strolled barefoot towards the more secluded parts of the park-- the ones he loved the most.

There was a hidden place close to the old railway bridge from where you could sit and watch almost the whole park. It was overgrown with blackberries and hidden from curious looks, like a green cavern, a place to find peace in the hectic chaos of the world. Jensen used to play knight and prince with Tom and Katie here and it felt oddly familiar to sit down cross-legged on the mossy ground again, fumbling for tobacco, weed and lighter all at once. Os was busy sniffing around what could possibly be a foxhole until he flopped down next to Jensen, yawning.

“Already done acting like a dog, you lazy shit?” the boy mumbled while putting together his joint, smoothing tobacco on the paper and seasoning it with the rest of Danneel's last harvest. “Shouldn't you run around and bark at the squirrels and chase mice instead of laying next to me and watching the sun go down?”

Oscar made a disapproving noise, something between a grunt and a sneeze, and rolled on his back, his eyes half-lidded and his wet nose brushing the boy's thigh.

Jensen brought the joint to his lips and poked his tongue out, wetting the paper thoroughly before he finished his work with rolling the blunt between his thumb and index finger, smoothing the tobacco under the thin paper until he was satisfied with the outcome. “Gosh, you really are the laziest dog in all of America, aren't you?” he muttered and let his eyes roam over the park. It was eerily quiet here and the sun was about to dip into the horizon any moment, turning the sky into an ocean of fire and liquid gold.

Jensen lit his joint with a few deep drags and leaned back, supporting himself on his elbows, as he watched the silver smoke spilling past his lips, spiraling upwards and dissolving into nothingness. It was a soothing sight, curls of light gray floating through the air like ghosts, and Jensen let himself get carried away, thinking about nothing but the familiar warmth spreading in his chest and the lightness that formed in the back of his head. And for the first time in weeks he felt the leaden weight dropping from his shoulders and his body finally free from sorrow and despair.

He had gone halfway through his joint, his body already pleasantly heavy from the deep, long drags he had taken from the strong weed and tobacco mix, when he spotted _him_ in the distance, a tiny black spot in the middle of the lawn, not far from the fountain, a mess of chestnut hair and ripped jeans in the distance.

Jensen sighed and felt the smoke stick in his lungs, causing him to break into a full-blown coughing fit, his body trembling and his chest heaving under the force.

“Goddamn,” he cursed as soon as he regained his composure enough to speak, his fingers still shaking, patches of damp earth and cold ashes sputtering his pants from rolling around in the dirt. “What is _he_ doing here?”

Oscar didn't even bother to answer, just perked up a bit and shot his owner a somewhat quizzical look. Jensen sighed again.

“Why am I even bothering to talk to you, _Mr. Lazy-pants_ , you're no help whatsoever, are you?” The boy nudged his dog's giant body with his knee, gave him a playful shove and patted his head before he returned his attention to the smoldering joint in his hand and the dark spot on the lawn.

Jared sat cross-legged, his back facing the blond, a perfect image of Jensen's position, their bodies in sync. His long, slender neck was slightly craned, his head tilted to forward as if to read or study something that lay in his lap. He was wearing a flannel and the fabric hung loose around his lean body, his pants riding low on his hips and as much as Jensen tried to be annoyed or repelled by his sudden presence, he felt himself drawn to the boy.

And that was why he urged himself to his feet after stubbing out his joint on the ground, his body swaying unsteadily like a blade of fresh grass in the cool breeze. He took some uncertain steps forward, convincing himself that he was capable of walking on two legs, and whistled for Oscar. His shoes, socks, the leash and his lighter were left in the grass when he abandoned his hiding place in favor of crossing the lawn towards Jared, leaving a trail of flattened grass and footsteps in his wake.

“Hey Texan Terminator,” Jensen greeted and dropped his body next to Jared's without giving it a second thought, startling the boy.

“Hey... Jensen?” Jared replied and it took him another three or four seconds to return to his usual self, lips curling into a bright smile, arms circling Oscar's neck and giving him a squeeze before letting go of the dog again.

“How come you're hanging around in my hood?”

Jared watched Jensen for a split second, dumbstruck, then barked out a laugh until the corner of his eyes crinkled with it. He dropped the sketchbook he was holding in his lap, his shaggy bangs bobbing under the force of the laughter that bubbled in his chest. “ _Terminator_? _Hood_? What's the matter with you, dude? Are you drunk?”

Jensen scowled. “Not exactly,” he mumbled and he felt the tip of his ears turn pink and warm.

“Are you- wait, let me...”

Jared was suddenly very close, his lean body crowding into Jensen's space as he sniffed along the blond's neck and jaw. “Are you _high_?” Jared whispered conspiratorially after he had taken a few deep inhales, his vibrant hazel eyes boring into Jensen's sparkling emeralds.

Jensen shrugged. “Might be. _Could_ be.”

“Whoa there, mysterious stranger, you can speak in riddles all you want but I can tell from your blown pupils that you either had a joint-” the Texan cut himself off to shoot his counterpart a saucy wink, not even bothering to pull back again- “or a fuck.”

Jensen almost choked on his own spit as he listened to the words that slipped past Jared's lips -those _damn_ gorgeous, perfectly shaped, full and luscious lips- and instinctively leaned back in an attempt to get away from the knowing look on the tall boy's face and the beckoning scent he was spreading.

“Dude, really?” Jensen croaked, his voice high-pitched and not as cool and easygoing as he remembered it. “ _Sniffing_ people? What are you, a dog or something?”

“Stop trying to change the subject, I was just pointing out the obvious.”

“Well, good for you, Sherlock Holmes. Are you done now? Or do you want to do a full body examination, too?”

Jared's smirk turned wicked. “If you insist. I'd totally do it,” he drawled and his voice was gruff, his breath a warm, chaste kiss on Jensen's cheeks and jaw, causing the blond to tremble.

“Asshole,” Jensen huffed out and rolled his eyes, shoving Jared away and crossing his legs, fumbling for the joint in the depths of his pockets. “You want a lungful?”

Jared let himself be pushed away and cocked his head, squinting at Jensen. “Homemade?”

“Danneel's harvest.”

The brunette shrugged, pulling a lighter out of his jeans and offering it to Jensen. “Why not, haven't had a good smoke in weeks,” Together they re-lit the blunt in comfortable silence, their knees barely touching when Jensen handed Jared the smoldering joint after he had taken a few, deep drags himself.

It was Jensen who eventually spoke up. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Drawing.” Jared shrugged. “Needed some fresh air, something that would put me into another head space.”

“Still not used to the city?”

“No,” Jared pouted and took another deep drag from the joint between his fingers before wetting his fingertip and smearing the smoldering tip of the blunt with his spit. “It's loud and messy and narrow. Can't concentrate when everything tastes like concrete and trash and burnt gas.”

Jensen unfolded his legs and buried his bare toes in the soil under his feet, twisting a few blades of grass around his soles. “Concentrate on what?”

“Drawing, playing guitar, eating, shitting- _anything,_ ” Jared grunted and watched the blond's bare feet, a smirk playing around his lips.

“Dude, you can't take a dump when you're at home? That's what you came here for? _Shitting_?”

This time Jared didn't hesitate to burst out in laughter, his whole body shaking, his knee trembling against Jensen's. “No, you dork,” he huffed out between guffawing, his cheeks flushing red as he gasped for air. “I didn't _shit_ in the bushes if that what you wanted to ask.”

Jensen watched him laugh, joy bubbling in his own chest, chasing away the last traces of sorrow and grief. “Well, that's a relief.”

“I just... I can't concentrate on _anything_ when I'm locked up inside that tiny apartment,” Jared explained as soon as he was able to form whole sentences again. “I feel like a caged animal.”

Jensen nodded, his lips still quirking with a smile. “I can relate to that,” he said unintentionally and bit his tongue afterward. Where the hell did that come from?

“So I came here to draw and have some time off. Do I have permission or do I need to fill a special form to hang around in your _hood_?”

“Depends,” Jensen replied, grateful that Jared chose to ignore his cryptic comment.

“On what?”

“Are you planning to do anything criminal? Because I won't let it happen, not under my watch.”

Jared snickered. “What now, you're Batman?”

“What's with the derisive undertone, dude? Do you doubt my skills?”

“No, not at all, you _nerd_. I guess I just imagined Batman a little... taller.”

Jensen snorted and shot Jared a murderous look, his brows furrowed in utter disapproval. “Take it back, miscreant, or I'm gonna unleash my mighty Battle Cat on you.” He pointed at Oscar, who rolled around in the grass lazily, blinking when Jensen spoke in his direction.

“Alright Mr. Bossy-pants, I'll take it back. Forget what I said. But I'm afraid I have to inform you, that Os is a _dog_ and Battle Cat belongs to He-Man, not Batman.”

“Who's the nerd now, huh?” Jensen uttered and took a drag from the joint before he handed it to Jared, a longing look in his eyes. They shared a laugh and Jared finished the blunt by taking a last lungful and flipping the butt across the lawn afterward.

“And what are _you_ doing here? Other than being on the watch, of course.”

Now it was Jensen's turn to shrug and explain. “I had... a bit of a shitty day and needed some place to relax,” he admitted and was almost startled by how good it felt and how easy it was to talk to someone.

“Sorry you had a bad day,” Jared replied and flopped back into the grass, stretching his lithe body and Jensen couldn't help but notice the flannel riding up Jared's belly, revealing a streak of soft, golden skin.

“S'okay,” Jensen slurred and tried to drag his eyes away from the tantalizing sight, the way a trail of dark hair crowned Jared's belly button, curling south and leading the eyes of the observant into deeper regions. Or the way his slightly toned abs bunched with every inhale, the fine muscles rippling beneath the warm skin. Jensen sighed.

“It's okay, _really._ I'm used to it,” he said and this time didn't even care about saying too much, revealing himself to the other boy. Jensen felt good in Jared's presence, like the clouds weren't so thick when he was close, and if he wanted to stay a while longer and enjoy the soothing comfort, who would stop him? There was no one except himself to keep him from taking what he needed-- and right now he decided that he needed Jared.

“No one should be used to having bad days, Jensen,” Jared stated matter-of-factly, and he wriggled some more next to Jensen in an attempt to get comfortable on the bumpy lawn. “Everyone deserves happiness and some time off. _Everyone._ ”

“Yeah, but apparently my family thinks otherwise.”

Jared's fingers found their way to the hem of Jensen's old sweater and curled around it, tugging slightly until the blond boy followed Jared and lay down into the cool bed of grass. “Maybe they're just putting so much on you because they know how much of a fighter you are?”

“Yeah? How would you know?”

“I don't,” Jared turned his head to face Jensen, their eyes locking for a moment of intimate closeness. “It was just a lucky guess.”

Jensen stayed silent at that and watched the clouds floating by instead. They were fluffy and the last rays of golden sunlight colored them orange and pink around the edges. The sky was still blue, almost indigo, and a couple of tiny, silver birds frolicked above their heads, tweeting and chirping in the most lovely manner.

“You, um... you wanna talk about it?” Jared eventually asked and for the first time his voice didn't sound as confident.

Jensen shook his head. “Not today,” he mumbled and involuntarily pushed a little closer to Jared, relishing the heat his body provided. He wriggled and squirmed until their feet touched, bare skin against muddy fabric of worn-thin Converse, their shoulders nudging each other gently.

“What do you want to talk about instead?” Jared asked, eyes roaming across the clear evening sky, too, his body not moving an inch when he felt Jensen shuffling closer.

“Tell me about you.”

“Well, there's not much to talk about. I'm Texan, we're all the same.”

“Cry babies?” Jensen suggested and threaded his fingers together in front of his chest as he lay in utter peace with himself and the world for once.

Jared snorted. “Who told you that?”

“No one, it's common knowledge. Besides you forget that my best friend is Texan, too.”

“Have you seen him cry a lot?”

“Are you kidding? I could fill my swimming pool twice with the tears just from last year.”

Jared made an odd noise and pouted, his eyes fluttering shut the moment Jensen glanced over. “Do _you_ cry a lot?”

Jensen was startled by the question and he pried his eyes away from Jared's face and the way his long, curved lashes brushed his skin lightly like smudges of dark coal against his cheeks.

“None of your business,” he scoffed and suddenly felt the urge to run away again, though his chest tightened at the thought. Jared had a way of looking right through him and drawing secrets from him that scared Jensen to his bones, made him weak and vulnerable-- and he didn't want to be either of those things. He simply couldn't afford it. Sitting up, he was about to stand when he felt warm fingers circling his wrist, holding him in place.

“I'm sorry, Jensen, I wasn't... I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off,” The tall boy pleaded, voice rueful, and fingers so soft and alluring that Jensen let go of his plans, led by Jared's reassuring grip and the dulcet sound of his voice. “Please don't go, Jensen, don't go and leave me behind.”

Jensen flopped down again, this time on his side, facing Jared and studying his face, taking in the worried, almost sheepish look in his astonishing eyes.

“Fine,” he said flatly and bent his knees, slumping into himself a little. He felt cold now, the ground too uncomfortable to give him satisfaction anymore, the cool breeze suddenly like an icy touch. “'M gonna stay a little longer.”

“Thanks, Jensen, I just... it wasn't my place to ask. I know you've gone through a lot.”

“Yeah? _What_ do you know?”

“Not much, just that you're having a hard time right now.” Jared shrugged, his fingers still lingering on Jensen's skin, his thumb slowly rubbing soothing circles into the boy's wrist. “You seem strained and tired all the time, like something happened that made your nerves wear thin. You're scared of someone coming near you because you expect it to hurt, that's all I see and I don't know if I'm wrong but...” he trailed off and let his head fall back.

Jensen hesitated for a few seconds while considering his words thoroughly. “Y-You're not wrong,” he mumbled as he watched Jared's thumb tracing patterns on his wrist, trailing up to his open palm and finally finding some rest there. “But it's more difficult than you think. I'm... I'm not the one who...” Jensen sighed, a long, deep-drawn sound which caused Jared to look up.

“It's more difficult because you're not the one who fucked things up,” the boy whispered, his face for once lacking the usual smile. “You're just the one who has to pick up the pieces.”

Jensen didn't know if he wanted to run away or curl into a ball and start crying like he did the night before, but luckily he didn't have to make a choice. Jared did it for him, placing his hands on Jensen's shoulders and slowly, hesitantly, pulling him into a warm embrace.

And Jensen didn't resist. Every inch of his body turned soft the moment he felt Jared's finger trailing down his back, and his nostrils flared as he buried his face into soft, silken chestnut hair. He didn't hug back, his arms never leaving his sides, but he leaned into the hesitant touch, inhaled smoke and sweet stickiness and coffee and nuzzled the shoulder Jared lent him to lean on for a while.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Jensen safely tucked into the warmth of Jared's arms, hid from the world, his mind numb from smoking and talking and feeling torn between running as fast as he could and staying forever in the arms of a boy he only had met a few days ago. But since he couldn't find the courage to make a decision, he waited, his thoughts reeling and his body perfectly still while laying flush against Jared's.

When they separated again both of their cheeks were flushed in a pretty shade of light pink, their hair slightly mussed and peppered with dry leaves and blades of grass. Jensen rolled over, but kept his fingers entangled in Jared's hair, feeling, stroking and slightly tugging the smooth strands occasionally while looking anywhere but his counterpart.

When Jensen finally dared to glance at Jared, he found him smiling, his face open and beautiful and his lips parted, showing a row of a white teeth and a pink tongue. “God, I'm wasted,” Jared muttered and intently watched Jensen play with his mane. “That was one hell of a joint, right?”

Jensen nodded, incredibly grateful for the boy's change of subject. “Danneel grooms her plants like they're her babies. It's disturbing, but the outcome is pretty fucking awesome.”

“Mhhh,” Jared agreed and supported his head on his arm, scanning the surroundings for a moment. It had gotten dark, shadows growing large under the trees and hiding the last birds that chirped into the peaceful evening. The kids on the lawn had gone, there were no joggers around anymore and the park was all but empty except from the boys in the grass and their giant, lazy dog, snoring at their feet.

“You know what would be really awesome right now?” Jensen asked into the silence as his fingers stilled in Jared's hair, the tips grazing the sensitive shell of the boy's ear tentatively.

“A beer?” Jared suggested.

“No, sour dough toast with bacon and cheese and one pickle.”

“ _One_ pickle?”

“Yeah, just one. Sliced. And with a tiny wee bit mustard.”

Oscar blinked an eye open and nudged Jensen's calf lazily, whining low in his throat. Jensen chuckled. “And a marshmallow.”

“A _marshmallow_?”

“On top.”

Jared's face scrunched into a grimace. “You have a weird taste in food, dude. But my Granny already warned me your poor choices concerning food up here.”

Jensen gave the soft strands under his fingers a sharp tug. “Shut it, dork, I'm a gourmet chef.” His lips curled into a smile when he heard the Texan hiss.

“I'm sure you are. Big brother, Batman and gourmet chef. No biggie, right?”

Jensen rolled his eyes a little more enthusiastically than strictly necessary and finally let go of the smooth strands under his fingers, stretching the moment by picking a few little leaves out of the chestnut mane, making it last. “I, um... It's late, I better be off.”

Jared pouted and looked more than ever like a defiant child. “What about tomorrow?”

“Sorry, Sunday is family day,” Jensen replied and felt the familiar wave of nausea washing over him, pulling him under and nearly drowning him.

“Then Monday? At lunch?”

Jensen sighed dramatically. “You’re never gonna give up, are you?”

“Nope, never. It's a Texas thing.”

“You mean like being tall?”

Jared's eyebrows wandered upwards. “What? I don't-”

“Never mind,” Jensen cut in and pushed himself to his feet, searching for his shoes and socks and moaning at the memory of where he had left them.

“So Monday?”

“God, you really are a pain in the ass, dude.”

“Is that a _yes_?”

“Yes, it is a _yes_ ,” Jensen snarled with mock ferocity and watched Jared get up, too, swatting grass and dirt from his clothing and gathering up his stuff.

“Fine, it's a date then.”

“Whatever.”

“Don't be late, I'm very uptight when it comes to my dates,” Jared stated and shot him a crooked smile.

“Get lost, idiot,”

“See you on Monday Jensen, don't miss me too much.”

Jensen couldn't help but return the bright smile, his heart fluttering in his chest as he waved the boy good-bye. “Not going to happen,” he yelled as he urged the dog to his feet. “See you.”

And with that their paths separated, Jared strolling towards the exit of the park, arms clutching the sketchbook and pen, and Jensen trailing back to his little hideout, his giant puppy on his heels.


	5. Chapter 5

After a particular long and boring Sunday, Monday couldn't come soon enough. For Jensen it started with a long, hot shower and a thorough inspection of his body in front of the mirror. He wasn't exactly displeased with what he saw: dusty blond hair sticking from his head, a soft nose with a few golden freckles scattered across the bridge, bottle green eyes and soft pink lips on top of a slender neck and a flat chest. But there was nothing special about his body; his waist was too narrow, his thighs too skinny and he thought his limbs were gangly. Jensen sighed and let his eyes rake to his crotch, the soft, blond curls there, trailing north towards his belly button and cresting the navel in a bed of soft hair. He had changed so much during the summer, not only his body but his whole personality, and sometimes it scared him to death. He didn't feel like a boy anymore, but a grown man, a fucking adult with many more responsibilities than he could handle.

Jensen ended his inspection and morning rituals such as brushing his teeth and trying to tame his unruly hair before his mom called from downstairs. He even managed to get dressed and ready to leave without being reminded by Donna of how late he already was.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she mumbled when her son stepped into the kitchen, his hands clutching the frayed backpack and his eyes squinting against the blinding morning sun.

“Mhhh,” Jensen grunted back and poured himself a large cup of steaming hot coffee before he hopped on the counter next to his mom. Donna looked tired even though she'd spent the whole Sunday lying on the sofa doing nothing but flipping through the channels and complaining about every fucking show in the universe. The circles under her eyes were dark and prominent and Jensen felt his optimism falter at the sight.

“I'm gonna call your granddad today,” Donna began and leaned back against the table, her fingers clinging to the mug she was holding.

Jensen's brows furrowed. “What for?”

“Mackenzie is going to stay with them a while longer. It's for the better.”

“Are you _serious_ , Mom?”

Donna flinched at her son's harsh words as she took in his set jaw and the clear signs of disapproval showing on his face. “I'm not good at taking care of her right now and she needs a steady environment, you know that.”

“That's bullshit,” Jensen hissed and slammed his mug on the counter next to him, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Excuse me, young man? Watch your mouth, it's your mother you're talking to,” Donna yelled, her voice agitated, and she pressed her lips together in a thin line.

Jensen ground his teeth. “Sorry.”

“I'm just trying to do my best and make the right decisions, Jensen. It's not that I don't want your little sister to be around, but I can't keep up with her right now. I'm not a good mother for-”

“Stop it, Mom” Jensen snorted and slid from the counter, his arms still crossed when he faced the agitated woman. “I told you that you're not supposed to go there and I'm holding on to that. I know it's hard for you, keeping up with all that stuff going around, but believe me when I say it isn't exactly easy for Mackenzie and me, either.”

Donna shifted uncomfortably on her feet, the look on her face stern. “I know, Jensen, do you think I haven't noticed-”

“It's okay, Mom,” Jensen cut in. “No need to dive into the details, that's not the point I'm trying to make anyway. It's just... you keep pushing Mackenzie away and ask me to go out with my friends while you lock yourself up in your room, where I can hear you crying through the walls when I come home. I can hear you, I can see it in your face, hell, I can almost _smell_ it on your clothes. You haven't seen the sun in forever, you're pale as a ghost. You think Mackenzie and I are safe when you tuck us away, give us to our grandparents or one hell of an asshole-psychiatrist. But that's not true mom; you're lying to yourself. We don't need therapists, we don't need you to win the Mom-of-the-year award and we certainly don't need you to act as if nothing happened. We just need a _mom_ , someone we can hold onto when shit gets intense.” Jensen didn't know where all this was coming from, but the sudden outburst seemed to lift the weight on his chest, though his throat remained tight and dry, his body taut as a bowstring.

Donna sobbed. “But I _can't_ , Jensen, I can't do this right now. I can't be a mother to you and Mackenzie when I'm the wife of a suspected murderer at the same time.”

“Oh yes, Mom, you can. Remember the times before Dad shot that fucking prick?” Jensen felt the tension slowly draining out of his rigid body as he stepped closer to the woman he loved so much. “You were a mom and a wife, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a niece and a friend all at once and you didn't even have to think about it. You just _did_ it, Mom, no big deal.”

Donna shook her head, her blond locks flying everywhere. “'S not the same,” she slurred and let her son pull her close, his arms circling her bony frame.

“I know,” Jensen replied and gave his mom's body a squeeze, his heart clenching at the feeling of how skinny she had become over the past four weeks. “But you're not alone.”

The small woman sobbed a few more times, her face hot against her son's neck, before she untangled herself from Jensen, wiping the unshed tears off the corners of her eyes. “You're right,” she mumbled and took a deep inhale. “Enough of the hiding. I've spent far too many nights crying and quarreling with my fate.” She hiccupped and Jensen glanced towards the clock, his body jerking forward in surprise.

“Shit, I'm late,” he shouted and dropped a kiss on his mother's forehead before stumbling out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “Can I take the car?”

“Is Tom finally tired of playing your personal driver?”

Jensen slipped into his boots as grabbed his coat and the keys of the SUV. “No, he's coming from Danneel's. Wrote me a message earlier,” he explained and was down the hallway and at the door within the blink of an eye.

“Okay, honey, take care of that car, you hear me? It's your dad's.”

The boy rolled his eyes. “I know, mom,” he shouted and stepped into the bright morning light, once again blinded by the glistening sun. “See you later.”

“Later, darling.” And with that Jensen slammed the door shut and stormed towards the car, his backpack and coat a mess in his arms.

 ♦ 

Once the SUV was parked and Jensen settled in the back of a cramped classroom, the morning proceeded fairly normally. Tom arrived twenty minutes late, hung over and with a miserable look on his face, and Jensen spent the rest of the first period throwing pieces of his eraser and balls of crumbled paper at his friend.

When the school bell finally rang, the look on Tom's face had changed from miserable to murderous and he was so close, so _fucking_ close, to punching his best friend right in his smug face. But Jensen just smiled at him and clapped his back, shooting him a crooked smile. “You're getting old, Tommy,” he stated while he pushed the two of them through the crowded hallway, Tom stumbling and tripping over thin air more than once.

“Fuck off, nerd, I'm just really knackered,” Tom grunted and let himself be dragged towards the next science classroom.

Jensen chuckled. “Didn't I warn you about Danneel's harvest? I told you that shit is pretty fucking intense, boy.”

“Yeah, thanks mom,” Tom groaned and tumbled into the room, inhaling the sour stench of chemicals and immediately turning a tad paler. “And it wasn't the weed that fucked me up; it was the entire half a bottle of vodka I found under Danneel's bed.”

“Dude, you had the whole of Sunday to recover,” Jensen reminded him and dropped his backpack on his desk.

Tom shot him a pained smile. “Do I _look_ like I'm recovered?”

Jensen's answer was a pitying squeeze he gave his friend's shoulder and a short shrug before they seated themselves in the last row, Tom hiding behind Jensen for the whole period, his face buried in his hands and only talking when strictly necessary.

 ♦ 

Tom passed on lunch in favor of sitting in the sun and inhaling the fresh air. Jensen decided that it would be a good idea to get his friend a tea and himself a coffee, and he was surprised when he found Jared waiting for him in front of the cafeteria.

“Hey Jensen,” he greeted and waved with a brown paper bag in his hand. “Ready for our date?”

The blond boy blinked in surprise and bit back the smile that tugged on the corners of his lips, his heart suddenly tripping and running faster in his chest. Jared's hair, usually an untamable mess of chestnut strands, was tugged back today, a little ponytail resting on the nape of his neck. “Oh I, um, I'm afraid I have to say no, but I got a patient waiting for me outside.”

“A patient?” Jared repeated, dumbstruck.

“Tom. He had a bit of a rough weekend and doesn't feel well right now,” Jensen explained and ordered tea and coffee once it was his turn.

“I don't-”

“He got terribly pissed and now he's doing _the Texan_ ,” the blond laughed and paid for the beverages before grabbing the paper mugs and strolling towards the exit again, Jared on his heels.

“And with ' _doing the Texan_ ' you mean he-”

“Cries a lot, yes.”

“Jerk,” Jared whispered and punched Jensen's shoulder, the cups in the blond's hands swaying dangerously.

Jensen barked out a short laugh and came to a halt when they reached the door, warm sunlight streaming through the windows and flickering across Jared's face. “'M sorry,” he mumbled and stared at a few defiant strands of smooth brown hair curling behind the brunette's ears. “It's not that I don't want to eat with you, but I've a really hammered and annoying friend waiting for me and unless you want-”

“I want to,” Jared cut in and he smiled brightly, his face, the whole hallway in fact, lighting up with it.

Jensen blinked in surprise. “What?”

“I want to come outside with you and have lunch in the sun,” Jared explained and pushed the door open, holding it for Jensen to slip out. “Shall we?”

“Y-Yeah,” the blond nodded and stepped outside, leading the way to Tom's miserable shape buggering around on the lawn.

Once seated, Jensen handed Tom his tea. “You okay, buddy?” he asked without the mocking undertone and carefully brushed his hand through his friend's hair.

Tom nodded. “'M okay, just let me lie here and close my eyes for a while, okay? Thanks for the tea.”

“No problem, mate. Let me know if there's something I can do for you, okay?”

Tom shot him a weak smile and rolled to his side after giving Jared a short wave, his eyes falling shut and his fingers clutching the warm mug.

“I totes get what you mean,” Jared whispered and nudged Jensen's shoulder gently.

“Huh?”

“He is a bit of a cry baby right now.”

“Told you so, asshole,” Jensen mumbled and took a sip of his coffee, nearly choking on the hot beverage. “What's in the bag?”

Jared's eyes darted to the brown paper he was holding and his smile became even wider, his cheeks flushing slightly. “It's for you,” he replied and dropped the bag in the free space between their legs, his eyes locking with Jensen's.

“For me?” the blond boy repeated in surprise before he reached out for the present and opened it, his fingers slightly shaking in anticipation. He peered inside. “You brought me _lunch_?”

“Get it out, take a look,” Jared urged and shifted on his knees, his bangs bouncing in excitement.

Jensen did as instructed. “It's a sandwich with-” The expression on his face turned from quizzical to delighted, his smile suddenly matching the one on Jared's face, almost competing with it.

“It's sourdough,” the Texan suggested.

“With bacon and cheese.”

“And one pickle. _Sliced_.”

Jensen felt his heart thrumming against his ribcage and heat pooling in his belly, a pleasant warmth spreading through his entire body, coloring his cheeks in the same shade of light pink he witnessed on Jared's face. “I-It's... _why_?”

Jared pouted. “Because you wanted one.”

“Is this a thing now? I get everything I want?”

“Can you just shut up and eat?”

Jensen hummed contently as his fingers slowly unwrapped the freshly made sandwich. It looked delicious, all his favorite things stuffed between two slices of crispy toast, and he felt his mouth watering. “Okay, I'll shut up on one condition.”

Jared cocked his head and blinked against the blinding light of the sun. “And that is?”

“We share,” Jensen stated and handed the other boy one half of the sandwich before he could even protest.

Jared shrugged. “Fair enough,” he replied and licked his lips, his knee gently resting against Jensen's thigh when he moved closer to sit next to the blond.

They ate in companionable silence, Jensen relishing the taste of the delicious sandwich, the crispy bacon, the salty cheese and the fresh bread melting on his tongue, and Jared getting used to the taste of the strange combination. He chewed thoughtfully, swallowing only after he had munched the foreign food thoroughly and finally broke the silence.

“It's not as bad as I thought it'd be,” he mumbled around a mouthful of bacon and pickle.

“Told you so,” Jensen shrugged and took a last bite of his part of the toast before he finished his lunch with a sip of coffee and a content sigh. “Where did you get it?”

“Um, I did groceries before school?”

“You got it at a super market? You sure, dude?”

Jared shook his head frantically, a few of his stubborn locks untangling themselves from his ponytail and falling into his face. “I got the ingredients there and put it together myself,” he explained and watched in amusement as Jensen's mouth fell agape.

“The sauce, too?”

“Um yes, I guess,” Jared blushed even more and swallowed the last bite of his sandwich, the look on his face almost sheepish.

Jensen took another sip of his coffee. “So you went and got groceries before school, put the sandwich together and even created your own sauce just for...” his voice trailed off and he blinked, dumbstruck.

“Just for you? Yeah, kinda.” Jared shrugged and dragged his eyes away from the blond boy, staring at his fingers instead. He wore a washed-out shirt today and a flannel in dark green and navy on top. His jeans were frayed and worn thin on the knees, but he filled them out quite well.

“You're unbelievable,” Jensen said after a good minute of silence and tried not to sound too flattered. Warmth, soothing and surprisingly comfortable, lingered underneath his skin and he had a hard time calming the fluttering heart that skipped a few beats in his chest.

“I've been called worse,” Jared replied and risked a look on Jensen's face before smiling, a small and shy curl around the corners of his full lips. “Did you like it?”

“It was fantastic,” Jensen admitted and shoved him playfully. “You're one hell of a chef; I could get used to that.”

“Please don't,” Jared mewled and returned the gentle nudge with his shoulder, their bodies aligning and pressing flush against each other for a split second before they parted again, both boys sighing quietly at the loss of warmth.

The fell into silence again and Jensen checked on Tom, who snored in the grass slumped into himself. It felt good sitting in the sun with Jared, Jensen had to admit. Damn right and so fucking easy that he almost forgot to worry about his family and all the shit going on during the last weeks of his life.

He was reminded in a very rude manner when a large shadow fell on his face and he looked up to find Lauren staring down at him, arms akimbo and the pretty pink lips slightly pouted.

“Can I talk to you alone?” she peeped without any further introduction and without deigning to look at Jared.

“Um, _now_?”

Cate rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

Jensen was tempted to get to his feet and go with Lauren when he became aware of the warm body next to his again, firm and reassuring-- and he hesitated. “If you have to say something, you can say it in front of my friends,” he stated and moved his hand a tiny wee inch closer to Jared's, his eyes fixed on the tall, brunette girl.

“Fine, I don't care anyway.” Lauren sighed and combed her fingers through her long mane. “I just wanted to inform you that, given the recent events and considering the circumstances, I am not going to prom with you.”

Jensen's body went rigid next to Jared. “What?”

“Look, I don't want to make this look ugly, but I'm not going to prom with the son of a suspected murderer. No offense, Jensen, but that's just ridiculous and Mike asked me anyway, so I'm going with him.”

The blond boy's mouth fell agape and he made a several attempts to protest before giving up and shrugging silently, eyes dropping and staring at something in the distance.

Lauren let go of her hair, clutching the strap of her bag instead. “You're a nice guy, you know, it's just this whole daddy-thing that-” She turned around to give a quick wave to the group of friends who were calling for her before she looked down at Jensen once again. “Maybe next time. See you around, I guess.” And with a last glance towards the blond she left, joining the bunch of shouting and laughing people near the fountain.

Jensen's head spun and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears, loud and hot and angry. His muscles hurt from being taut and strained all the time and he felt the urge to lose his lunch on the lawn, his stomach clenching painfully, his guts twisting with every flat inhale. That, right there, _that_ _was it_. The cruel reminder of the fact that _nothing_ was the same and that he wasn't allowed to be with the 'cool kids' any longer. He didn't give two fucks about the freaking prom, but being dumped like that hurt like a bitch and Jensen was close, _so close_ to losing it here and now, right in front of everyone.

“Are you alright?” Jared whispered and moved slowly next to Jensen, reaching out for his shoulder to squeeze.

But Jensen was faster, shying away from the touch and scrambling to his feet within two seconds. “No I am not fucking okay,” he yelled involuntarily and stomped away without giving it a second thought, heading for the one place that wasn't crowded with people within the reach of a mile.

He didn't expect Jared to follow, didn't want him to, and was surprised to find the boy staring at him when he finally stopped in the shadows of the tree line right behind the gym.

“What do you want?” Jensen hissed and leaned against the solid wall of the building, his fingers curled into fists as his nails dug painfully into his palm.

“Talk,” Jared replied softly. “Or listen. Depends.”

“On what?”

“On what you want me to do.”

Jensen snorted and kicked at a pebble on the ground, dispersing dust. “I want you to fuck off, Jared.” His voice was thick with anger and he spat every word on the floor like it was poison.

The taller boy shook his head. “Not an option, cupcake,” he said firmly and stepped closer, stopping right in front of the Jensen. “You shouldn't be alone like this.”

“Oh come on now, what are you? _Jesus_?” Jensen groaned and though he knew it was wrong to push Jared away, to reward his kindness by being such a dick, he couldn't stop the words that poured out of his mouth. “Get the fuck out of my face and go find someone else to make sandwiches for.”

“But you're the only one I want to make sandwiches for, Jensen,” Jared replied bluntly, the look on his face stern and his body slightly strained as his lips twitched into a thin smile.

Jensen flipped him the bird. “Piss off, asshole,” he mumbled without heat and suddenly felt tired and defenseless in the light of Jared's goddamn honesty and the softness lingering in his voice.

“I'm staying.”

It was like fighting a puppy. A fucking stubborn puppy with soft hazel eyes and cute smooth bangs, with brows furrowed in concentration and a heart too big to be true. Jensen exhaled slowly.

“Right,” Jared shushed and slowly reached out for Jensen again, his smile deepening when the blond didn't flinch but stayed exactly where he was, his body vibrating with anger and his face shadowed with grief. “Breathe, Jensen. In and out, calm down.”

“I can't,” Jensen croaked and his throat felt sore and raw, his chest once again so heavy under his breath.

“Just try.”

It got better, it all got better, the moment Jared trailed his fingers gently up Jensen's arm, his touch soothing and calming when his hand finally came to rest on the blond's shoulder, the warm palm slowly rubbing circles into Jensen's taut muscles.

Minutes ran by and Jensen did nothing but breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, over and over and again until his chest stopped heaving and his fists unclenched, fresh air rushing through his veins and burning away anger and sorrow. The school bell rang somewhere in the distance, but neither of them cared.

“Any better?” Jared asked eventually, his hand still moving slowly against Jensen's shoulder, his sea-colored eyes boring into the blond's.

“Yeah,” Jensen mumbled and finally dared to lean into the soothing touch, pressing his cheek against the back of Jared's hand, stilling it. “Thanks.”

“Don't mention it,” the boy mumbled and the smile on his face was so bright it sent Jensen reeling, his mind suddenly hazy with the scent of soap and clean sweat.

“I'm terribly sorry.”

“Don't be.”

“I didn't want to hurt you. I know-”

“You didn't.” Jared's other hand came up stroke the crease between Jensen's eyes, smoothing the wrinkled skin and slowly making the angry look go away. “There, that's a pretty face.”

Jensen smiled. It was thin and weak, but a smile nevertheless. “You're a creeper, Jared,” he mumbled and chased the soft touch once the taller boy was finished and let go of him again, his hands fumbling with the zipper of his backpack now.

Jared's smile became wild, his eyes glistening with mischief. “Oh, you have no idea, darling.”

The school bell rang again, this time more insistent, and the two boys winced at the sound.

“Maybe we should go,” Jensen suggested and felt a pang in his chest at the thought of leaving Jared and the peaceful silence of the field.

Jared nodded. “We better,” he agreed and when neither of them moved, he finally let go of his backpack and reached inside the pocket of his flannel. “I meant to give this to you earlier, but then that bitch happened and I...” His voice trailed off and as he unwrapped a tiny package.

“What another present?” Jensen asked softly and leaned in closer to Jared, the tips of their boots brushing gently against each other and their hips almost touching.

Jared winked. “Close your eyes,”

“ _What_? No.”

“C'mon Jensen, do it for me,”

Jensen pouted. “I hate surprises.”

“You'll love this one.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'd bet my ass on it,” Jared nodded, the look in his eyes pleading and Jensen felt like he was arguing with a puppy again. He sighed and after another two or three seconds he let his eyes flutter shut, his tongue nervously licking his lips.

“Good boy,” Jared breathed and there was more rustling with wrapping paper from where he stood. “Now open your mouth.”

“Now fucking way, dude,” Jensen protested and was about to cancel the whole thing when he felt the touch of warm finger against his mouth, something soft pressing against his lips insistently.

“Open up or I'll make you,” Jared warned and there was amusement in his voice, along with something deeper, something more intimate, and he hummed contently when Jensen finally gave in and open his mouth, embracing the sweetness that rolled on his tongue.

“You're such a sap,” Jensen whispered when he realized, what he was chewing on, the treat sweet and soft and tasty in his mouth.

“'M not,” Jared protested and crumbled the thin paper in his hand into a tiny ball.

“You got up in the middle of the night to do groceries to make me a sandwich and even had the nerve to bring me a fucking marshmallow. If that doesn't make you a sap I don't know what does.” Jensen laughed, chewing and swallowing the treat while popping his eyes open. He witnessed another blush on Jared's cheeks and couldn't help but reach out for his face, tracing his thumb along the boy's lower lip before stepping back and taking another deep breath.

“Let's go and pick up Tom, I bet he's still snoring on the lawn,” he mumbled and felt a strange ache when he turned away from Jared in favor of strolling back towards the font side of the school, Jared once again on his heels.

 ♦ 

It took them another ten minutes to shake Tom awake and urge him to his feet, the now cold tea forgotten in the grass when they headed for the school. The hallway was empty and Jensen groaned as Tom voiced his need to take a piss.

“C'mon man, we're already late,” he huffed but his friend had already vanished behind the white door with the small symbol of a male stick man.

“I better be off,” Jared said and glanced towards his watch, sighing quietly.

“Yeah, see you around?”

“You bet,” Jared's smile was breathtaking as he shot Jensen a wink, his bangs bobbing when he turned around to take the stairs.

Jensen spoke before he knew he'd opened his mouth. “Actually I have my dad's car today, I could um, drive you home later?”

Jared spun on his heels to give the blond a thumbs-up. “Sounds grand, dude,” he replied and with another wink and a wave of his hand he was on the stairs and out of Jensen's sight.


	6. Chapter 6

Last period was tedious and Jensen couldn't wait for it to end. Tom was still miserable and spent most of the time in silence, his head carefully supported on the desk and his eyes squeezed shut. He was getting paler by the minute and when the school bell finally rang he jerked awake with a grunt.

“Is it over now?” he slurred and wiped a string of saliva off the corner of his mouth.

Jensen nodded, cramming pens and notebooks into his backpack, then turned to help his friend with his stuff.

When they made it out of the school building the parking lot was almost clear, only their friends were standing next to Jensen's car in a large group, idly chatting. Jensen was a little surprised to spot Jared surrounded by the others and he kept staring at his tall form while greeting the other boys with a wave of his hand.

“Hey guys, how's it going?” he asked as casually as possible and joined the group next to Jeffrey, Jared across from him.

Katie clapped her hand against Jensen's back, catching him off-guard and almost sending him reeling. “We were just talking about you, dude,” she informed Jensen, and the smile on her lips was good-natured and bright. “About you being always so polite and all.”

“What's to discuss about that?” Jensen's brows furrowed and he opened the back door of the SUV for Tom, who threw his backpack in before clambering in afterward.

“Nothing.” It was Genevieve talking now. “Just that we find it cute that you think _asshole_ is actually a real insult.”

“Or nerd.” Danneel cackled.

“Or bitch.” Jeffrey laughed when he watched Jensen flipping him the bird.

“You can all go and fuck yourselves, you bunch of giant assholes,” Jensen scoffed and tried to bite back the smile that tugged on the corners of his lips. His friends cheered and hollered in response and the blond rolled his eyes enthusiastically before slamming the back door of the black car shut, strolling towards the driver's side. “And since I don't drive assholes home, you can all go sulk and watch me drive by, nerds.”

The hollering died and Genevieve pulled a face. Jeffrey pouted. “What about Tom?”

“He's sick and he didn't act like a fuck-nut for once, so I guess he's the lucky one.”

Jared was busy talking to Colin when Jensen slipped behind the steering wheel, one foot already on the gas. “You coming?” the blond shouted as he turned around to look directly at the Texan boy. Jared nearly toppled over waving the guys goodbye and running to the door on the passenger's side, a smug smile on his face.

 ♦ 

They had dropped Tom at his house, where his mother had been waiting for him on the threshold, her arms akimbo and her brows furrowed in utter disapproval. She had started to chide her son and his best friend the moment they stumbled up the stairs and Jensen was more than happy when he slipped into the car again, the tips of his ears pink as he busied himself with the seat belt.

He was now pulling into Yosemite street and Jared started fidgeting in his seat, his knees bouncing against the dashboard as his eyes nervously darted towards Jensen.

“Everything alright, dude? You're not going to puke into my car, are you?” Jensen asked and his eyebrows hitched.

Jared shook his head frantically. “No, course not. Do I look like I'm sick?”

“No, but-”

“'M not sick. Hey that's my stop, you can pull over in the driveway,” Jared instructed and pointed at a narrow townhouse, the facade gray and stained with mud, streams of auburn rust running down the descending ledges. Jensen parked the car and was very aware of the awkward silence the moment he killed the engine. He didn't know how to react, didn't even know what he wanted to happen and for a long while neither of them said a word, instead kept staring out of the windshield at the blotched wall, breathing in silence.

It was Jared who eventually got up the courage to talk. “So, um, do you wanna come upstairs for a cup of tea?”

Jensen scrunched his nose and scrubbed his clammy palms across his face before he spoke, not quite trusting his voice. “I don't like tea,” he stated matter-of-factly and felt the urge to punch himself for being such a smartass. _Smooth Jensen, very smooth_.

“Coffee, then? I don't like to drink it myself but my mom says I'm pretty good at making it.”

“And your mom is-”

Jared chuckled. “She's at work, no worries.” The taller boy shrugged and his smile faded, the look on his face becoming almost sheepish. “I mean you don't have to if you're... uh... busy or something. It's okay, I-”

“I'd love to.”

“Huh?”

Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly, the tips of his ears changing from light pink to a deep flushed scarlet. “I'd love to come and have that coffee,” he explained and pulled the key out of the car lock before swinging the door open. Fresh air washed over him and he relaxed slightly as he tried to push away his fluttering nerves and focus on his steps instead.

The apartment was on the second floor and pretty much the same as the whole building: narrow, the walls stained with splutters of moisture and it smelled like food and faint traces of cold smoke. The hallway was crammed with cardboard boxes, closed and neatly stacked along the wall, and a selection of more or less assembled furniture.

“It's a bit messy,” Jared explained unabashedly and shrugged out of his flannel after kicking his shoes into the nearest corner. “We didn't bother to unpack our stuff since we're going to move again on Saturday.”

“Oh wow, that's pretty soon. Do you already know where to?”

“Yeah, we got the house near the park.” Jared hesitated for a moment. “I, uh... I hope that's okay for you?”

The blond shrugged. “Why should I mind? It's your choice; I don't care about another nosy Texan in the neighborhood.” Jensen followed Jared's example and slowly got rid of his coat and boots, placing both on one of the stuffed cartons before he trailed after the brunette into the open kitchen.

While Jared busied himself brewing some hot coffee, Jensen was left to have a look around. It didn't take him long to understand how Jared must have felt two days ago, when he told him that he couldn't be creative here. Low ceilings, terrible wallpapers and a disgusting gray carpet turned the whole apartment into a cage and it was downright depressing to look out of the tiny windows, the eyes immediately drawn to the facade of another dirty building and the endless row of cars on the Yosemite Street.

“How do you like your coffee?”

“Black. No sugar.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Really? That's tough. I need at least half a liter of milk and a big spoonful of sugar to drink coffee without gagging.”

“That's because you're a softy,” Jensen replied and joined his friend in the kitchen to grab his mug from the counter. He watched Jared fill his own cup with warm milk and seconds later the scent of sweet chocolate floated through the air. “Really now, Jared? Cacao? Who are you, a toddler?”

“Shut up, jerk.”

“Nope, never.” Jensen's smile was smug when he sipped on his coffee, almost burning his tongue in the process. “That's what you have to put up with, honey, deal with it.”

Jared returned the smile with a wink and nudged the blond's shoulder carefully as he passed by, leading his guest into the room at the end of the hallway. There were more cardboard boxes and more furniture, a few half-full bags and a wide sofa in the center of the room. Clothes lay scattered all over the floor, pillows and a blanket in between and dozens of books piled up next to the desk.

“Wow, cozy,” Jensen remarked and his voice was thick with sarcasm.

“Should I roll out the red carpet, your highness?”

Jensen barked out a short laugh while he tried to figure out how to sit and decided in favor of the desk, carefully balancing his mug through the mess and hopping onto the wooden surface.

“Can I smoke in here?” Jensen asked and fumbled for his cigs and the lighter when Jared nodded. “Did you smoke in here before?”

Jared shot him another wink and flopped down on the sofa, kicking a few pillows and a thick, warm blanket away. “I already told you I'm a nervous smoker.” He wiggled his ass in an attempt to get comfortable while his right hand still tried to hold the mug steady.

“So have you?”

“Let's just say I was nervous a lot during the last week.”

Jensen nodded and lit his cigarette, inhaling a lungful of white smoke and letting it out though his nose. Jared wiggled some more before he finally gave up and just crossed his legs, leaning back and staring at the ceiling for a moment. Silence fell and Jensen took another one or two drags as his fluttering nerves slowly starting to calm until eventually only his heart continued to thrum against his ribcage in a frantic rhythm, pumping blood and something wild and instinctive through his arteries. It felt strangely familiar being in Jared's room, sharing the close space and breathing the same muggy air. It felt _right_ and Jensen decided for one day, only one fucking afternoon, to push away his heavy thoughts and sorrows and just be Jensen again: a seventeen year old boy-- and not a responsible son and big brother.

“You look worried,” Jared said bluntly and his words pulled Jensen back into the narrow space of the small room. He blinked -one time, two times- before allowing himself another deep drag, tasting, breathing and exhaling a cloud of white smoke. Then he shrugged.

“'M just thinking,” he replied and felt his chest constrict as he noticed the intense look Jared considered him with.

“About what?”

“Nothing important, just... things.”

Jared shifted again and placed his mug on top of a carton near the sofa before he threaded his fingers together, placing his chin on top. “Want to talk about _things_?” he asked and the look in his shimmering hazel eyes was soft and warm when they locked with Jensen's.

“I don't- it's really nothing important. I just decided that I don't want to worry anymore.”

Jared's smile was bright and blinding and suddenly the sun came up from behind a wall of gray, rain-laden clouds. A shiver ran down Jensen's spine and he had to hold on to his mug to not to lose focus, his fingers clinging to the hot porcelain.

“That's good, Jensen, good decision,” the Texan drawled and cocked his head. “There's really nothing to worry about when you're with me.”

“I know,” the blond nodded as he swallowed thickly, his eyes drawn to the handsome boy on the sofa, mesmerized by the way his chestnut hair, now freed from the messy ponytail, cascaded down his shoulders, curling along his cheeks and the bare skin of his slender neck.

“You're safe with me,” Jared continued, slowly getting up. “Your secrets are safe with me, I promise.”

Jensen didn't even want to ask, but the words were out of his mouth before he could regain control of his tongue. “Why are you like this with me?”

“Like _what_?” Jared stopped in front of his guest, within the reach of an arm, close enough to let Jensen feel the heat he radiated, far away enough for the blond not to feel threatened.

“Nice,” Jensen replied bluntly and took a deep breath, stubbing out his cigarette in one of the empty cups on the desk. “From the first moment on you were nice to me, didn't mind when I was rude and didn't gave two shits about my warnings. You... you're always so kind and considerate and I'm starting to ask myself if there's a reason behind it.”

Jared shrugged, a slow and uncertain movement. “No reason behind it, I just like you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, really. Look, I just thought you needed a friend and I tried to be one even though you told me not to.”

“Have you figured out why I kept you away?” Jensen squinted and tried to swallow his heart that he either carried on his tongue or felt jumping in his throat.

There was another short shrug and this time Jared buried his hands in the pockets of his jeans as if to prevent himself from reaching out and touching Jensen. “I didn't try to, to be honest.”

“Yeah? Why? What kept you from asking Colin during classes?”

“You,” Jared replied outright and blew a strand of smooth hair that cheekily bobbed in front of his nose away.

“Me?”

“You- your whole attitude told me not to go and ask the next idiot for help, but to wait. I figured you'd tell me once you felt comfortable around me.” He made a brief pause in which he thoughtfully chewed his lower lip, a gesture that tightened Jensen's throat further and made his fingers itch with the need to reach out and trace that beautiful mouth.

“You think I will?” the blond mouthed and almost jumped at how hoarse his voice sounded. “I mean you think I will tell you?”

Jared shot him a grin. “Maybe, maybe not. Both is fine by me. I don't care about what happened to you or your family or your grandmother's dog months ago-- I just want to get to know you. It's not the Jensen from half a year ago I like, it's the grumpy, rude asshole you are now I'd like to be friends with.”

Jensen felt his cheeks flush and he fumbled with his mug again, his fingers desperate to clutch something, _anything_ that radiated warmth and comfort like Jared's body did right in front of him. “So you're just a regular nice guy who wants to be friend with the newborn school jerk?”

“Exactly.” Jared leaned in a little more, his warm breath now ghosting over Jensen's skin, raising goosebumps. “I also happen to have a soft spot for strays. I think they're cute.”

Jensen pouted and tried to pull a face. “Are you calling me a mutt?” he replied and took a long sip of coffee, burning his tongue and almost choking on the hot beverage. His eyes watered and he felt a coughing fit break free, short gasps of ragged air climbing out of his chest. He almost toppled over.

“Are you alright?” Jared asked as soon as the rattling noises in Jensen's chest eased and the look on his face showed nothing but concern and honest worry.

Jensen grunted one last time before straightening up again and inhaled deeply. “Yeah, I'm okay,” he mumbled, embarrassed, and felt his tongue swelling in his mouth, the flesh sore and hurting. “I just burned my tongue.”

“Really?” Jared took a last step forward and finally closed the gap between his and Jensen's body, his slender waist easily fitting between the blond's spread thighs. “Show me?”

Jensen didn't give it a second thought -to be honest he didn't even give it a first- before he stuck his tongue out, offering the taller boy a long and thorough look.

“Mh, looks awful,” Jared commented, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he placed his hands carefully on each of Jensen's legs, his fingers softly resting on the boy's jeans.

“Suck fou,” Jensen replied around his injured tongue, the corners of his eyes still streaked with moisture and the muscles in his thighs tensing immediately. The heat that oozed from Jared's fingers was like a shock and it sent electric sparks through Jensen's body and towards his brain, short-circuiting his ability to think straight.

“Should I-” Jared's voice was barely audible when he spoke up, his words forgotten when he leaned in to gently nudge his nose against Jensen's, their eyes firmly locked and both their breaths hitching as their bodies went into full sync.

“Yes you should,” the blond whispered and with a quiet sigh he pushed forward, pressing his mouth against Jared's. Their lips slotted together like two halves of the same whole and for a moment the world stopped spinning. The volume went down and Jensen became deaf to everything except the soft sigh that climbed out of Jared's chest, hanging in the thick air between them. Warm fingers trailed up his thighs and to his hips, pulling him closer until their bodies lay flush against each other, and Jensen couldn't help but moan, a shy and quiet sound in the silence of the room. Their eyes fluttered shut the moment their lips found together and for a moment Jensen did nothing but taste-- tasting and falling and never wanting it to stop.

Their first kiss was chaste, and it tasted like coffee and smoke and Jared's sweet mouth and ended far too early. The world started moving again with a jolt and Jensen was glad he had Jared to hold on to, his fingers carefully circling the his slim waist, holding him close. Their foreheads still resting against each other, they stilled for a while, eyes firmly closed and hearts hammering in lockstep, the smiles on their faces delighted.

“That was amazing,” Jared said eventually and his fingers wandered to Jensen's back, slowly trailing up and down his spine and drawing patterns into the fabric of his long sleeved t-shirt while he nosed along the blond's cheek and jaw. “I'd like to do that again some time.”

Jensen dared a slow nod. His body was still paralyzed and heavy in Jared's arms, his face burning with the blush that didn't want to stop creeping across his skin. “Mmmh yeah, me, too.” he mumbled and shuddered when Jared's lips brushed his temple. “Sometime soon.”

They agreed on the fact, that _soon_ would have been right now, if it hadn't been for Jensen's cell phone that went off right at that moment, the sound piercing and unpleasant in both of their ears. Jensen considered ignoring it for a moment, but the noise was insistent and he gave in.

“Oi?”

“Jensen, where are you?” It was his mom.

“Mom, I'm... I... I'm with a friend,” Jensen stuttered and almost whined at the sudden loss of warmth when Jared let go of him and stepped back.

There were rustling noises from the other end of the line. “That's nice, honey, but I need you to be here in ten. Mackenzie is here and I have an appointment with the lawyer.” She sounded slightly hysterical and Jensen decided not to even try to argue.

“Okay mom, there in seven. Watch me,” he huffed and bit the inside of his cheek, the excitement quickly rushing out of his body.

“Hurry!” And with that Donna slammed the phone shut and so did Jensen.

“I gotta go,” he mumbled and dropped his gaze to his hands, his fingers idly playing with the plastic case of his phone.

Jared nodded. “Okay,” he said flatly and smoothed his disheveled mane down his head. “See you tomorrow then?”

“It's not that I want to go, really. But my mom needs me to babysit my horrible little sister and I-”

“S'okay,” Jared cut in and his smile once again lit up the whole room, including Jensen's mood. “I have a buttload of homework anyway and we'll see each other tomorrow, right?”

Now it was Jensen turn to nod. “Yeah, sure,” he confirmed and found that it was not too hard to smile back. “Thanks for... the coffee.”

Jared's grin became impossibly wide and he shot him a saucy wink. “Anytime, sugar,” he joked and together they returned to the hallway where Jensen slipped into his boots and coat again. Their goodbye was an awkward shoulder squeeze and seconds later the blond boy blustered down the stairs and into the car, his face still hot and his chest tight with want.

 ♦ 

That night Mackenzie's nightmares returned.

It was only about 10pm and Jensen was busy finishing his essay about _Wuthering Heights_ when a high-pitched scream rang in his ears. The blond scrambled to his feet from where he had been sitting on the carpet and was out of his room and at Mackenzie's door within seconds.

“Mackenzie!” he shouted the moment he busted in and stooped next to the bed under the window, hopping onto the mattress. “Mackenzie, you're dreaming, wake up!”

The screaming was even louder when Jensen gathered the shaking and kicking girl into his arms, Mackenzie's face next to his ear and her voice nearly blowing up the her sibling's eardrums. But Jensen didn't gave two shits about the pain as he held his struggling and gagging little sister close, finding every muscle taut and the dinosaur PJ's soaked with sweat around her tiny body.

“Mackenzie, c'mon you have to wake up. It's just a dream,” he whispered over and over again, his hand combing the girl's short hair. “You're safe, it's just me.” And he endured getting kicked against the thighs and knees, didn't gave an inch while his sister slowly, _finally_ , stilled in his arms.

“Jensen?” Mackenzie croaked and popped her eyes open, the look on her face agitated, confused and haunted as her body went lax in Jensen's arms.

“Yeah it's me, Mackenzie, you're alright. You're in _your_ room and there is no one else in the house but me and you and Os downstairs.”

The little girl sucked in a trembling breath, biting her lip as she snuggled closer against her big brother's chest. “Where's Mommy?”

Jensen felt his racing heart slowly calming and with a deep-drawn sigh he wrapped his arms tighter around the skinny body in his arms. “She's still away meeting with Mr. Sheppard and talking to him about Dad.”

Mackenzie nodded, understanding, and her fingers slowly unclenched from where they had fisted in Jensen's shirt, her blown-wide pupils going back to normal in the dim light of the bedside lamp. “Do I have to go back to sleep?”

“I'm afraid I have to say yes,” Jensen replied and let go of his little sister who started wiggling in his grip, the girl returning to her usual, annoying self with every passing second.

Mackenzie pulled a face. “Really?”

“Definitely.”

“Can I sleep in your bed?”

Jensen's brows furrowed as he wiped the sheen of cold sweat on Mackenzie's forehead away. He didn't have to ask what the dream had been about, he already _knew_. It was the same nightmare, almost every night for so many weeks and Jensen agreed with the opinion of the psychiatrist when he said, that the dreams were just a way for Mackenzie's infantile mind to cope with what had happened to her. _What that fucking asshole had done to her._

“Sure,” he said after a moment of consideration. “But only on one condition.”

“Anything.”

“No farting, you stinky little brat, or I'll tickle the hell outta you. Agreed?”

Mackenzie snickered as she slipped out of her bed, taking her pillow and one of her action figures with her. “Deal,” she agreed and was halfway to the door even before Jensen was on his feet again.

When the boy stepped into his own room again, his sister had already slipped under the covers, her little body snuggled up warm and safe in the wide bed. “Do I have to sleep right now or can I watch a movie?”

“No movie.” Jensen shook his head as he flopped down on the carpet again, grabbing his essay with a sigh. “I'm gonna finish my homework and you shut your eyes and mouth and try to sleep again.”

“Not even _Tangled_?” Mackenzie chirped and clutched the giant plastic robot tighter in her hands.

Jensen shot her an annoyed look. “Not tonight, Mac, it's late and I'm busy. Just try to sleep, okay?”

Mackenzie's brows furrowed and for a moment she seemed tempted to argue, but she kept his mouth firmly shut and eventually nodded. “Okay,” she murmured and did as she was told, closing her eyes and huddling deeper into the sheets. “Good night, Jen.”

“Night, sweetie.” And within seconds the breath of the little girl evened out, her jaw slackening and her fingers dropping the action figure, leaving Jensen to his long overdue essay and his own, sorrow-ridden brooding.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-upload/re-write of a story I did not so long ago, but lost interest in eventually. But I still like the idea and it pains me to abandon it without giving it a chance of a proper ending. (▰˘◡˘▰) 
> 
> Oh and since I had to change the gender of a few minor characters -because **hell yeah** I need some more female punching power in that story- it's possible that a few pronouns are confused. If you spot such a mistake I'd love you to report them to me. UwU 
> 
> [Stop by to say 'hello' if you feel like it](http://sunflowerbrother.tumblr.com/).
> 
>  
> 
> **Comments are love! UwU**


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